Divorce matters & Dating life

Yesterday, I did something unusual. I went out for dinner with a guy. Oh I know, this is not something that crazy but after being single for 4 years and haven’t even been kissed, touched, looked at during these 4 years, I can tell you that this was a big step for me.

In fact the man is single with two kids but not yet divorced. And you could see it on this face. He’s devastated. Nice but completely overwhelmed by his new status – seven months is new when you talk about divorce. He has two kids, younger than mine. I let you imagine the earthquake this could be!

He tried is best and we had a nice evening. When looking at him, I saw myself 3 years ago, completely stoned and distressed. I realized that I moved on, I am at a different phase now. I am done with my divorce and my ex. I am done with my messy life and my messy thoughts. I feel happy and blessed. But I know it takes time to grieve and let go of all the things we thought would last a lifetime.

It’s a bit rude to say that but I went back home lighter, knowing the worst was behind and that I was now up to the best part of my life. Maybe it even helped me understand that I would like to meet someone, fall in love, that I am ready to open my heart again, after locking it for many years, in case somebody would steal my broken, not yet mended pieces and play with them again.

How? I don’t have a clue. How you meet new people? How you get back to dating life? I don’t have a clue. I am just feeling like it’s something I would like to try. I am just feeling safe and confident enough to give it a go. We’ll see!

Tell me Ladies, when and how did you get back dating after your divorce or a breakup? How did you meet your spouse or boyfriend? Any advice is more than welcome!  

You no more…

I’d rather die

Bury my feet into the spongy ground

Vanish into the night

I’d rather stay silent

Go blind

Steal the key of the door

Taking to my heart

I’d rather fly away

Walk barefoot on fire

Swim till I can breathe no more

I’d rather escape

Take up arms

Fight against the Lion

I’d rather scream so loud

That everybody has to hide

I’d rather risk my life

Than going back to you

Books, friends, fundraising and creation

 

In September last year I shared with you inspiring projects by fabulous ladies! Don’t get me wrong, some men are doing great things too. But I like to honor the ladies here – no offense!

So, let’s see what’s going on around:

  • Lisa released her New Book – A Divorce Companion (a must read for all people facing divorce, all people recovering from it and even all people touched a way or another by this life-changing experience)
  • Marie (Deep Stones)  is creating wonderful bracelets with semi-precious stones – all made with generosity and kindness. I am in Love with her work.
  • Trish is about to set off on a new journey – a walk of 2,190 mile (Appalachian Trail) to fundraise for Kay’s Kisses “Sharing love, books, and gifts with children recovering from domestic violence”. Go check her website and support her along the way – this is just AWESOME!
  • Another book by Balroop Singh (Allow Yourself to be a better person) – I can tell you only one thing – you’ll love it. Why? Cause she is writing from the heart and nothing can ever be better than this voice inside sharing what counts.
  • My friend in Corsica is raising money for KMG Ethiopia – a charity organization working for Women’s Rights.

Any inspiring project to share with us? I am all for any you have in mind…

I’d love to have tea with you…

You remember when we met so early in the morning, it’s still dark outside and the air was quite cold. We were wearing our runners and warm jackets over jumpers made with wool. You’d wait for me at the corner of the main street. We’d have a look at the sea before starting our trip. We’d walk under the moon, then under the sun or the dark clouds, depending on the weather forecast, for two, three, four hours. We’d talk about life and whatever was in our minds these days, doubts, pain, wishes, sweet dreams and trips back home being planned for a couple of days – France for me – a couple of weeks – Arizona for  you.

I miss you, your shining smile, your heart as big and sweet as – as what – as a chocolate pudding with ice cream on top, your hugs making me feel fully alive. I miss our talks and the way we used to support each other.

I miss stopping by your home and seeing that you get a new juicer, fresh fruits and this green paste that sounded like torture to me, you said was so healthy. You’d prepare some tea and we’d sit down outside, telling each other how great it’s to be single, sharing our must reads and trying to figure out what the future holds for us.

I miss you, your tears – you were never afraid of letting them go. I’d listen to you trying to love yourself. I thought – I still think – you’re such a gem, a precious person, a wonderful friend. I know I am blessed to have you in my life even though we only see each other once a year, even though we don’t talk that much in between.

I wish I could leave work today and have tea with you. I’d show you around. We would walk in the garden, sit for a while; we’d look at the world and rejoice to be together.

I miss you today my friend.

The wedding ring

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The flickering sound of a bird nearby told me to stop listening to old thoughts. It was time, to let go, time to erase the shot:  me and you buying the wedding ring.

Saturday afternoon, crowded place, tangled hair, no makeup, friends all around – your friends, spring is on the way. We are in May.

We haven’t talked to each other for 3 days now. I cry. You call me stupid. You threaten to leave, this place, me. We are engaged. The wedding is planned for July. A tear, just one, a need, simple one, a word, not the good one, could ignite a terrible rage within you. I know. I will smile. It’s better for me. You like it. You like when I shut up and smile. You think I want to please you. You love when I play the good wife. Shut up and listen to your man. you know best. I just want peace. I stand firm against the need to shout and tell the world how messy my life is with you, how crazy you are. Your smile is fake. Mine is a self-denial one.

I open my jewelry box, take out the ring. I am ready to let it go. I sold it for 20€. I don’t want it anymore. It’s the last thing that links us together as husband & wife. We are back being two strangers that will never meet again. The image – me and you buying the wedding ring – is fading away. It’s blurry. I can now say something like this, out loud: you are an asshole, a crazy bastard!