The color of my nights

Copyright Marie Kléber

Nights can be tough, full of creatures I don’t recall meeting anywhere near my deepest fantasies. I can see blood and darkness, violence and echoes of lives I went through, scars and pain.

I live the nightmares like it is real life. I feel the emotions. I carry the weight of the sensations emprisonning my body. I recall ways of finding solace. And I swear that I will survive.

Something inside is trying to get hold of the key to understand what’s going on when I close my eyes and let my mind wander in the silent night.

Some nights are made of beauty. A few. Just so I can relax in the enchantment of this break. It won’t last and won’t remain. Good dreams will vanish and bad dreams will take over.

Nights will be tough again. I will empty my mind of all the things I can hardly bear…

What are the colors of your nights?

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We were told…

Copyright Marie Kléber

We were told

Not to talk about it
Change the subject
Private matter

We were told

It is bad
We shall not enjoy it
We shall not express it
We shall not share about it
We shall not talk about it

And then we chose
To follow the rules
Or break them

We experienced guilt
We experienced loss
We experienced lack of freedom

We made sexuality a sin
When it is the core of our being
Our essence

How do you feel about sexuality?

Let me be…me

Let me breath
Let me be

Not the way you imagined me
Just the way I am

Messy at times
Unsure of what to say
And how to say it

Loud and insecure
Raising my voice against things
You think are not worth fighting for

Let me see the best in others
Even if you think it’s naive

Let me go my way
Even if not the way you’d take

Let me smile and cry
And say some days are too much
I can’t cope and that’s fine
Tomorrow will be better

I know it would be easier for you
If I could fit in boxes
If I could follow a road that many took before
Knowing where the footprints are

But it would mean being someone I am not
I did it for too long
I don’t want it anymore…

Yesterday, now and tomorrow

Copyright Marie Kléber

I can tell you everything

The good, the bad, the worst
The blue, the grey, the white
The bright mornings and the dark skies

I can tell you my ups, my downs
My doubts, my fears, my joys

I can tell you all there is
And all there was
Dreams and nightmares

I can cry and you won’t say
These ugly words that I despise

I can tell you everything
And yet I don’t wish to tell you everything

Not that you can’t hear it
Just that I want to protect us from
A life that does not belong to now
Remains of scars, shots of pain

We belong to today and tomorrow
We are writing a far better story
Than the ones before
One that is true, loving, peaceful
One that put a smile on our faces
When we look at each other

I don’t want the chaos anymore
I don’t want to feel trapped in emotions
I don’t want us to be all about this
The memories to unfold
The fears to go over
The wounds to mend

I want life and happiness
Blessings to count every day
Joy and projects to share
I don’t want anything messy between you and me

So know if I don’t tell you everything
It is just my way to say that you mean the world to me