Learning always…

@Marie Kléber

I am learning. The ups and downs. In search of my balance always. Every day, acknowledging what’s working and what’s not.

The need to get in touch with me and the failure of not being able to do so. Most of the time. Except maybe when silence is on play, when lights are down.

I am learning to accept it, this place of bruises, place of emptiness. Never being sure. Always doubting.

I left fear and I thought I would never feel this way again. And yet, it’s another kind of fear. One that needs care so I can defy it every single day.

I wanted to be strong. And yet I am not. Embracing it makes it less painful. I feel the urge to open my eyes, to let the words flow, to open the door so I can stand on the edge and stop hidding, stop saying ok when it’s not, stop behaving like all is under control, stop pretending.

Maybe this is my chance.

Of being human. And learning to let go, after all. Day by day. Layer by layer. Till I can look at myself in the mirror and only feel love. For who I am. Without control and conditions. Without wanting to be different.

Shadow Side

@Marie Kleber

Something was strange

In the air

I was full of feelings

I could not define

And then it was there

The darkness inside

The horrible things I don’t want to look at

My Shadow Side

 

The memory of you

I don’t know why you poped up into my mind this morning. Your memory.

I remember, will always, where I was when the phone rang, how I felt.  I somewhere knew what was about to be said. Something written since the day you entered my life. It could not last. Life like this. Life in a place of suffering. Pain, inside your head, in your body. Your fainted smile as the years went by.

Sometimes a glimpse of hope. Sometimes a chance, maybe. But every time it went as it came. And we remained there, on the threshold of a new dawn, the heart lost in a future that we could only imagine, that would never be yours to walk towards.

The end. I was prepared and yet, I lost balance. I felt relieved for you. I felt pain rushing into my blood and anger filling the space with emptiness.

You were so young. I was so full of dreams, thinking I could overcome every difficulty, I could break the silence they put between us. Your parents thought I was judging them. They felt guilty enough for not being able to look after you the way others thought they ought to.

They were wrong. I was on their side. I was your godmother, not a complete stranger with straight ideas on what it takes and what it means of rasing a disabled child.

You were always an angel anyway. To me. When death took you away, you just get home. You are somewhere between the stars. In my heart for ever. A part of my life. A bright one despite the end, despite all that went wrong between the day I hold you tight in that church and the day the phone rang to tell me you passed away. We did not say goodbye.

Thought of the day

We never know the truth about anybody. We make suppositions. We think that he or she is this way because of…

We judge easily. We think we are better, we do better.

We chose to think that if we were them we would do differently.

But we are not them. We don’t have a clue who they are, where they are coming from, what they went through before this special moment in time.

We make comments considering we have all the informations, considering we are all the same.

We dislike when people say they know better. But we do the same, all the time. We put people into perfect little boxes. We don’t give them a chance to tell their story. Or to improve.

We walk on earth, feeling trapped. Not even noticing that we are the first ones to create prisons. For ourselves.

Embracing our differences

@ Marie Kléber

Your truth will never be mine

My truth will never be yours

We can spend our lives

Wishing for the other one

To understand where we come from

Where we wish to go

But we will never get it right

We are too different

To be on the same level of light

It’s not good not bad

It’s just the way we are

Embracing it

Might be the key to

Freedom and peace

Free scope of love

@ Marie Kléber

When I found myself
In the space where we are
Freed of all the things that keep us apart
Naked
Bodies and souls

Nothing to prove, nothing to hide

I seek to become one with you
Fiercely wanting you to possess me
Till my senses collapse
In a realm where you – only
Can reach out to me

Writing Prompt #4

We did not know what love was
We thought it was becoming one another
Or losing our identity
We thought it was being there
Without giving
Without listening
We thought it was losing our voice
So we could create a brand new reality

We did not know so we tried
We fought battles so we could stop the tide
From taking us afar with no chance of coming back

We did not know but we played the game
Thinking that feelings would keep us safe
And sane

We kept putting love
Into brackets
Trying to define it
Without the correct lens

Till
We became two strangers

Walking into darkness
Tears falling on deserted gardens
Where flowers could not bloom

We did not know what love was
We broke each other’s hearts
Till there was nothing left
But empty fields
With holes where we could hide
Thinking it would end the madness
That kept us in a delusive togetherness

This is a text written as part of Writing Prompt proposed by Mona