I had a conversation with my husband at the week-end, it was not an easy one but then as always it taught me something important.
Not one second I would have thought that the way I am and behave would offend him (or anybody), make him feel like he was not worth anything, that I was superior to him.
But if I look closer I realize that many times I am vaunting about all the things I do – work, housekeeping, cooking, taking care of papers – leaving him no space.
Often as women we pride ourselves with the fact that we can assume many chores at the same time, look after our children our families, always available, 24h full service.
This is our choice. If tomorrow we don’t clean the kitchen or put the kids in front of the TV all day so we don’t have to take them to the park, it is still fine, the sky will still be above our heads, all will still be in place………..The only thing is that the kitchen will be messy and kids overwhelmed by too much TV.
It seems in our race to be perfect wives we forget to leave our men the space to be perfect husbands or dads. One Catholic nun I admire a lot used to say |”Nowadays women work and even have better positions and salaries than men, women can do everything from change a bulb to repair a car, men don’t find their place, the place devoted to them since the beginning of time (looking after their families, being the strong rock) – from my experience with many couples I met, for a marriage to last the woman has to step back a bit, to let her husband shine a bit more than her”.
What we need to learn is Humility. Always thinking I was doing my best for the ones I love, I understand now that in my pursuit to gain a bit more self-esteem, without intentionally wanting it, I left people feel unwanted, unworthy and sad.
By wanting to achieve too
many things, I got caught up in the spiral of proving my self-worth all
the time. After many years in the dark, I wanted to shine, show people I could
be someone, someone good.
Humility does not mean
you don’t esteem yourself or love yourself. Humility means
understand you come from
God and to God you will return.
Humility means you leave
for others the space they need, you acknowledge your
and weaknesses, you
understand you too have a long way to go, improvements to
Humility is the modesty
of the mind.
Humility is a virtue you
find in Judaism, Christianity and Islam and in many other Spiritual
“You younger men, follow the leadership of those who are older. And all of you serve each other with humble spirits, for God gives special blessings to those who are humble, but sets Himself against those who are proud. If you will humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, in His good time He will lift you up.” The Bible – Peter 5:5-6
all the world tells you, “You are righteous,” consider yourself wicked.” The
Talmud – Nida 30B
“Call on your Lord with humility and in private, for Allah loves not those who transgress beyond bounds. Do not mischief on the earth, after it has been set in order, but call on Him with fear and longing in your hearts, for the Mercy of Allah is always near to those who do good.” The Holy Qu’ran – Surah Al-Araf 7:55-56
humble, be harmless,
your teacher in true obedience,
the mind and body in cleanness,
Tranquil, steadfast, master of ego,
Free from self;
Aware of the
Standing apart from the things of t
mortal nature.” – Hinduism. Bhagavad Gita
said, “A gentleman does not grieve that people do not recognize his merits; he
grieves at his own
– Confucianism. Analects 14.32
fool who knows that he is a fool is for that very reason a wise man; the fool
who thinks he is wise is called a fool indeed.”- Buddhism. Dhammapada
C.S Lewis says: “Humility
is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself
It is a difficult balance
to find. Be kind but don’t show off, be happy but don’t make
feel miserable, be full
of ideas but don’t say these ideas are better than the ideas of
It’s a difficult balance
because of our Ego. You can’t be humble if you look constantly for
recognition. You have to
let go of your Ego to find your place.
But at the end of the day humility is to recognize that every battle you won, every kind word you say, every love you share, every action you do, every single action is a blessing from God.
Humility is to be grateful for what you have, knowing all come from God. It is to surrender to his will, with your heart at peace, not willing for all the world to see you are doing good, because what counts is your intention of doing something good. If nobody sees it, it does not matter. God sees and hears everything.
It is a hard task in our
hands. But it’s something we can achieve, with the help of God.