On Children & Mums who make a difference………

Thanks all for your sweet comments and sincere words. Writing it all down had helped me a lot. I feel much better.

I  just have a strong issue with childhood pain. 

I don’t know you but all around me I see children carrying responsibilities that are not theirs, trying to find peace in an adult universe that does not help them, facing life without the innocence that characterizes their age. 
I see many young mums exhausted, tormented, depressed. 

In my opinion children are the continuity of life and the results of a man and woman love for each other. You don’t have children for your own sake. Children complete your family, give it wings. Children are not there to fill the empty holes in your life. You are there to guide them on the road, to show them the way. 

I often hear, “once we will have children, it will help our couple”. Sorry but it’s not the role of your new born to be the bridge between you and your husband / wife. 
You have to build your couple, you have to be strong together before thinking about children. Once they are in your life, they need your affection and love to walk their path. 
Struggles and challenges will always show their faces no matter what but if your basis are strong, if you know in trouble you’ll have a strong shoulder to cry on, a place where you can recharge on energy, you are safe.
I know sometimes it’s not easy, sometimes there is divorce and separation because it’s needed – There is nothing wrong about this, it’s life as long as your children don’t carry the responsibility of it. 
When my mum got sick, my sister was still at home. She was in her twenties but she had a hard time seeing my mum so weak and sick. 
She went on to see a therapist, somebody she could talk to because no discussion was possible at home, everybody lost in his/her own pain.
The therapist told her: ” You can’t carry your mum’s pain, you have your life to live. You can be there, listen but you have to remember your mum is on her journey and you on yours. The duty of your mum is to help you, to guide you, to educate you. Your duty is to be there and to care for her, that’s it”.

Some will think that’s a bit harsh, but really it’s true. I realized it long ago, I couldn’t help my mum. She had to solve her issues on her own. That doesn’t mean I am not there for her or care for her, or that if she needs me I don’t get in the first flight to be by her side. 
She always told me adults have resources children don’t have. And that a child should never be responsible of her/his parents (Obviously this does not include if you parents are sick and you are yourself old enough to look after them)
She was an abused child so she knows what she means when she says this

I am scared for the future as we are evolving in a society where we have access to more and more things, and where I have never seen so many lost children, feeling responsible for their parents happiness or sadness. 
I am scared for my own children, will I be able to live by these ideas I shared with you, will I be a good mum, putting my children first no matter what?
I am scared and I ask God to help me to be a happy and caring mum, to give me the strength to live by my sayings and create for them beautiful childhood memories, that they can carry with them all their lives, to help me grow with them and reinvent life so they could see it as a wonderful adventure and not a sad railway. 

I will leave you with these words from Khalil Gibran that I truly like:

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For theirsouls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sentforth.
Thearcher sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For evenas He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Have a beautiful day and for all the wonderful blogging mums that read me, continue to amaze me and show me there’s still much love around – Your faith and lives are my examples and I hope I can follow your steps when the time come for me. 


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15 thoughts on “On Children & Mums who make a difference………

  1. This was a very strong post pointing some very serious issues prevailing in our society but seldom talked. I agree with your points here that children these days no longer have their lives as children. Great post !!PS: Been away from blogosphere in past few days, hope u doing fine !!

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  2. I had been child abused when I was young sis and like you it gave me fears that I might pass it on to my kids..then it came someone abused my kids morethan what has been done with me before..I was totally down like I was in a deepest pit I couldn't explain how much pain I felt..BUT sis it awakened me..I am their Mom and I have the responsibility to fight for them No Matter What..because I just love them..I can't give any reasons..it is just out of a mother's love..now I'm crying..thank you sis for this post..*I am sorry marie but I can't post a comment on your Dublin site..I am using explorer because my mozilla can't be opened..there are no translator gadgets on my explorer so I have to reinstall my firefox again but it has errors grrrr..*

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  3. Children need to be protected and are not responsible for their parents. they can't speak for themselves. I totally agree with your point of view. Becoming a mum made it even clearer to me. As for your sister's therapist, I think that he/she is spot on.

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  4. Marie this is such a good post. There's so much truth in this. Everywhere you look you will find many children like the one's you have described and this is so sad. Children should never be made to live the burdens of their parents, they are a trust, a responsibility and like you say parents should be making sacrifices for their children and not the other way around. The situation is very sad, and like you I pray that if I ever have children of my own, that I can be the best mother for them. Just another important point you've made, adults need to become healthy on their own, they can't expect children to fill the void in their lives, they have to become whole human beings for the sake of their children, otherwise all you have is cycle after cycle of unhealthy upbringings. Thanks for discussing such an important topic.Keep praying for all the children of the world. Stay well always

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  5. Marie, you have housed within you the spirit of the Creator of the world! So of course, with the help of our Creator, you will be the best mother your children will ever have 🙂 No doubt in my mind, my dear, nor in God's love for you and for your children.

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  6. Hey Marie <3I love this post. It's so true as well. You can't carry anyone's burden especially if you've got your own worries to bear, and yes that doesn't mean you don't care for them. At the end we are an individual responsible for our own selves and we have duties to carry out for others which we must fulfill with love and sincerity. I'm sure you'll be a good mother since you have shown me your understanding about children =) it seems you love children a lot, yes it's good to prepare before taking the step to have children, because some people have children and throw them to others to look after especially in my mum's country, since they have cleaners, some of them tend to throw the responsibility on the cleaner. But I'm not judging all of them =) there are a lot of good mothers, and one hero is my mum =)Thanks for the touching post. I love reading your posts, it makes me thinkTake care <3xxx

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  7. Tim, Khalil Gibran always has the good work. Thanks for visiting and appreciating my post.Jodi, thanks. Take care.Jyoti, too often children are considered as adults by adults themselves, who behave strangely.Love Khalil Gibran words too. Hope you are keeping well.Muriel, thank you for stopping by. I am sure becoming mum gives you another insight. Have a great evening!

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  8. This is so inspiring post. It's true. This post is indeed awakening for those parents who forgot how important children's are.They are a gift from God that we need to love and take care. Children's are not the one who are responsible for the responsibilities inside the family.

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  9. You are so kind Amie. I hope I will live according to my words and God love always. Sagittarian, thank you. Too often children are carrying many responsibilities when they should be the ones adults take care of. Thank you for your visit.

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  10. Thanks Zarina, you resumed it perfectly and added thoughts that are very true. May we remember and pray for children around he world to have the best possible childhood and many happy memories. Take care and have a lovely week-end.

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  11. Dana, thank you for your visit and nice comment. I have example in front of my eyes that I definitely don't want to copy. I have always dreamt of a house full of love above all and I hope I will have it. My dreams have changed with the years but this one remained till my younger age. I look for peace in my heart and with the people I love, there is too much chaos in the world.But I waited for the right time, I was not ready when I was younger, too full of fears and doubts. I try now to put my faith in God and accept what is on the road.Take care and have a wonderful week-end. xx

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  12. Sie, don't cry, you are an amazing mum! You did what was right and the love you have for your children can be felt in every of your words.My mum too was abused and she gave us all she had, so we never were in need of love. Stay well Sie and remember the ones who have love in their heart and God in their lives can't go wrong. XXXX

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