I talk a lot about this because I think a lot about this. We all think being judgemental is not good. And I won’t say it is.
But are we as non-judgemental as we think we are?
When I met my husband I heard every horror you can hear, even from people close to me. These people had opinions and thought their opinions were right. They were not afraid of judging a man they did not know or me for being so “naive”, so “stupid” to think he could love me.
My first response was to justify myself, to prove they were wrong. I was angry. I thought these people don’t get it, they are so narrow-minded………..
Wow! I was acting like them. So I started to think differently, as this was not good. Too much resentment in me for something that was not the end of the world, after all.
I started to look at my situation from a difference perspective. I come from a generation who has the chance to know and meet people from different countries, different faiths and life paths. My parents did not get this chance. Difference scares them. Difference means stepping into the unknown, the absence of security. My mum’s past is overpopulated with insecurities so thinking I would start a life in these conditions could only scare and bother her.
Many people judge because they are not at ease with a situation, they don’t understand it, they don’t have control over it. Many judge because they don’t know what they would do in the situation the one in front of them is facing. Or maybe they think they know better.
Every person has a different journey. I used to say this is good, this is bad. (When I catch myself doing this now, I take a time to reflect and to change my mindset).
Good and Bad for me. You might have a different definition of what is Good or Bad. Let’s take an example:
You might think selling your charms for money is bad. Now think a woman is doing this to save her children or because she has been forced to.
You think abortion is wrong. Now think a woman knows her child will have heavy disabilities and does not think she can deal with this.
Now don’t get me wrong there is a difference between judgement and statement.
A man who kills is a criminal. This is a statement.
Mother Theresa has a kind and loving heart. This is a statement.
Walking in other’s shoes from time to time helps you to understand others more and to realize nobody knows better. We all try our best in our own ways.
Judgement is not good for the body, mind, for the heart. It makes us like rocks, it does not allow us to see beyond our horizon.
We can’t change others. That’s a fact. But we can change ourselves. Once we introduce less judgement in our life, only then we can see the difference. We will become with time less and less influenced by the judgement of others. And things that used to make us angry will only upset us, till they won’t have any impact on us.
It is not an overnight process. It takes time. It’s worth it!
For more on this I found a great article to read on Zen Habits – A simple method to avoid being judgemental.
Thanks all and have a lovely day!