I don’t know if it’s good. It helps me to see my progresses, from where I started to where I am standing now.
But for a long time I will remember the 24th of November 2012, the day I feared to come back home, the day I look up at the window, I saw the light, I took my phone out and rang the first friend I knew who would be able to calm the shaking of my whole body.
One night. Last night of a life which would never be the same again.
I moved out of this place of fear and cries. I moved out of this state of mind where I was asking God to take me back, to take us back forever. 10 months.
I left behind an image, a sweet illusion which I wanted to see as reality. The bubble exploded in my hands and burnt my soul.
I am rising again. Slowly. With so many help from all around the world.
One morning I felt free, free to go out shopping, free to walk with a skirt in the busy city, free from the fear, the doubts, the constant guilt.
Don’t take me wrong, there are days when I find myself falling down again. As long as this state does not last, as long as I know when to say STOP to myself, as long as I know I will get on my feet once again, I am safe. I can allow myself not to be strong every single day. I allow myself to cry and beat the air with my fists. I allow myself to be angry and to forgive once more.
I have started again from scratch. I will never give up, the worst will remain behind.