Out and about

This week, one year ago, was an absolute disaster. I was weak, crying every minute, trying to fix once again my married life, facing the oppressive silence of the man I loved, dealing with guilt, sadness, threats and harsh words.

One year. And so many changes in my life. Slowly I am moving out of this area of pain, out of these memories, of the fear of being killed. I am regaining my freedom with every breath I take.

I know my story is like every other story. So many women around the world are badly suffering, more than I did. But we should never allow it to happen. We should not tolerate any form of violence towards women (men also), spouse or children. We should fight it, every one of us with our own abilities and words.

I thought this did not happen to me. I thought I was happy and when I was not, I thought it was up to me, alone, to be happy. I thought I could not ask more of life. Life is overcoming difficulties and hardships. I was doing this every single day, trying to find peace and balance.

I told you before, I am reading a nice book from my blogging friend Zarina  – Butterfly Wings (I will tell you more about it later). And at a stage in the book, a young woman is attracted by a man and she slowly moves away from God, towards this man.

And then I understood what went wrong in my life. The day I met my ex-husband, I slowly drifted away from my religion, from going to mass, from praying. I tried to get closer to Islam, but he didn’t help me. So I tried to do it alone, without finding peace or solace anywhere. We were not close enough to God, together.

And today I feel that sharing a way of life, ideas, a religion or at least having the same level of Faith, is really helping a couple to last and to build up a strong relationship.

I learnt from my mistakes.

It’s time to let go and move on.

Even if I am sad sometime, that things did go that way. I am sad when I hear my ex-husband say that “he loves me”, even sadder when I hear this 20 times a day. His words are weak to my ears, cause he did not say them when I needed to hear them. He is saying them too late, as always.

I am a different woman than the one I was one year ago. And I am pleased with what I achieved so far. I can’t save the world. I can’t save him. But I can start building a life, a better life for me and my sweet baby boy.


14 thoughts on “Out and about

  1. It hurts my heart to hear (and see) that such things happen every day and every where.
    I am sorry you passed through that but I am also happy for you that you found a way out of it.. Not many do but you must be a wise and a strong woman..
    May the days of sorrow be over and happiness remain in you life x


    • Thanks dear. Something or somebody helped me, pushed me out of this marriage, which caused me much harm. It’s over and I am rebuilding my life. Sorrow is behind. Thanks for your words and reading me. Take care!


  2. I’m glad Zarina’s book has spoken to you- would love to read it as well.
    The book that forced me to be honest with myself about the decisions I had made, and continued to make in my dead-end relationship was Dragonslippers…
    I lived with so much guilt that I couldn’t even forgive myself. I know that it will take time but I am proud of you for going through it- it cannot be ignored we continue walking and walking and walking…
    I’m proud of you.

    Love that t-shirt 🙂


    • I’ll look for this book Salma! I can do with every word to leave the guilt behind. I should forgive myself, I am not just ready yet but the time will come. We keep walking and looking at the sun and the rest is in God’s hands.
      Take care and thanks for being such a lovely and kind friend. xx


  3. My dear sweet Marie, I was thinking of you earlier today, thinking of how you are doing and if you are safe, warm, and well. I am so thankful that you let me know about your new blog – I cannot afford to lose contact with you, you have been too much of an encouragement to me.

    My heart twisted when I read this post, when I read your previous posts. My heart twists because your kind spirit is going through so much pain. But I am so proud and inspired by you, that you keep clinging to God, that you keep holding your chin up. You are one courageous woman.

    So good to see you online again, my dear Marie 🙂


    • Amie, what a chance to find you here again! I am so glad.
      Thank you one million time for your nice words. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Till I read you, stay in tune with the Creator of all things, with Love.


  4. I am so sorry that you had to go through so much suffering just to keep that relationship, Marie. But I am glad that you are finally out of it. Not all women don’t have the courage that you do. Many think that losing one’s dignity is a part of trying to save the relationship with their partner. They think that it is a way of showing love to their partner, in exchange for losing the love they have for themselves. How I wish that you didn’t have to learn it the hard way, but I can see that it has made you a woman who is wiser and stronger than ever. Much love and God bless, my friend! ♡


    • I thought this too Irene. It felt better ignoring my own feelings in order to please him and make him happy. Obviously this can’t work in the longer term. I learnt and I am moving on.
      Thanks for your kindness and your words. xx


  5. Dear Marie,

    It’s been such a long time since I visited your blog. More than a year and I hope you have not forgotten me. Fozia & Karima had once mentioned about the changes happened in your life, when I enquired about your in a facebook private group and since then you are in my prayers… I am so sorry that you had to go through such a tougher phase. However, I am glad that you said you have almost come through it and a new woman today. Sending loads of love dear sis.. Stay stronger. God Bless you!


    • Nishana, Thank you so much. It’s so kind of you.
      Things are better than one year ago and I started a brand new life with the precious gift God gave me, a beautiful baby boy!
      Hope you are keeping well, will visit your blog soon. Take care and may God bless you for your kindness.


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