This week, one year ago, was an absolute disaster. I was weak, crying every minute, trying to fix once again my married life, facing the oppressive silence of the man I loved, dealing with guilt, sadness, threats and harsh words.
One year. And so many changes in my life. Slowly I am moving out of this area of pain, out of these memories, of the fear of being killed. I am regaining my freedom with every breath I take.
I know my story is like every other story. So many women around the world are badly suffering, more than I did. But we should never allow it to happen. We should not tolerate any form of violence towards women (men also), spouse or children. We should fight it, every one of us with our own abilities and words.
I thought this did not happen to me. I thought I was happy and when I was not, I thought it was up to me, alone, to be happy. I thought I could not ask more of life. Life is overcoming difficulties and hardships. I was doing this every single day, trying to find peace and balance.
I told you before, I am reading a nice book from my blogging friend Zarina – Butterfly Wings (I will tell you more about it later). And at a stage in the book, a young woman is attracted by a man and she slowly moves away from God, towards this man.
And then I understood what went wrong in my life. The day I met my ex-husband, I slowly drifted away from my religion, from going to mass, from praying. I tried to get closer to Islam, but he didn’t help me. So I tried to do it alone, without finding peace or solace anywhere. We were not close enough to God, together.
And today I feel that sharing a way of life, ideas, a religion or at least having the same level of Faith, is really helping a couple to last and to build up a strong relationship.
I learnt from my mistakes.
It’s time to let go and move on.
Even if I am sad sometime, that things did go that way. I am sad when I hear my ex-husband say that “he loves me”, even sadder when I hear this 20 times a day. His words are weak to my ears, cause he did not say them when I needed to hear them. He is saying them too late, as always.
I am a different woman than the one I was one year ago. And I am pleased with what I achieved so far. I can’t save the world. I can’t save him. But I can start building a life, a better life for me and my sweet baby boy.