Yesterday, I received a great email, straight from America. A friend testimony that really touched me, reached me deep inside. All was suddenly very clear.
Trusting God and never drifting away from his plans because he knows better what is good for us.
Now I have to be honest with myself (and you as well, because your words and your support saved me).
The first day I met my future ex-husband, something said to me seeing him again would be a real mistake. My first emotion: fear. God sent me signs. But I decided not to listen or see them. And only a couple of days into the relationship made me weak already. I was afraid of listening to God. And I was afraid of leaving the man I loved. I could not understand why God put him on my road just to tell me to let him go.
This was not love, it was possession. I was his chance for papers. I was his chance for freedom. That is surely why after 3 months, he asked me to marry him. And when I said no, the harassment for marriage at all prices began.
So many times I wanted to escape; I wanted to invent a lie so he would decide I was not worth it. I fought against my family and against God’s will, asking God to make me happy at the same time. And then I married him. I got accustomed to my daily life. I read every paper I could to be a good wife. I really tried but food was never good enough, I was never well dressed enough, he kept saying I was too naive and why was I always so tired?
A compliment, yes, a couple of times. But not enough. How much I wanted to be sick when I was with him, so somebody would look after me, just for one day. I know it’s crazy. But it’s how I felt for 4 years.
Then on the 23 of Nov 2012, I was once again trying to express my view, which he considered was not worth listening to. Anyway in the course of one week he kept repeating me he would leave me. At 7pm this night, I said to myself I have to leave him and this relationship if I don’t want to die (in my head, in my spirit and in my heart).
Next day, God offered me this chance. He told me “don’t go home tonight” and I did not, pushed by an intuition, the first one I acknowledge fully and followed. The nightmare was not over yet but I was free. And God was there to make it as easy as possible for me.
God gave me two chances before this time. One in August 2009 and one in October 2010. I did not trust him enough these two times and I was not strong enough to follow him. I gave my future ex-husband the chance to change. Obviously it did not happen. Each time he turned my head upside down and I felt I was the cause of his behavior and my own troubles. If I was a better wife, I would make him happy and he would stop going out all the time, meeting his friends every single night, being silent and saying I am a child and I need him too much.
In November, God sent me double blessings, saving 2 lives in 1 go, mine and Mister Pop’s one.
Reading my friend’s story yesterday was life changing. God does send us hardships. God does send people, jobs, situations our way. They are not always the right for us. He does this, just to test our faith, our love for him. We always have the chance and even when we take the most miserable road for us, he is there, holding our hands, healing our hearts. But his plan remains clear, getting us out of our tragedies and back into the light.
Now that I broke free, I learn to trust Him only. It’s not always the easiest to do but nothing comes from nothing. We have to strive.
My future ex-husband is coming back with promises, ILoveYou words. I don’t listen to them. Before I knew it, it will be harsh words and threats of killing himself. And anyway I am out of love; I know he is noxious for me and Mister Pop. I don’t want him in my life anymore. Yes I know he is Mister Pop’s dad but it comes to him to be part of his life or not.
I AM FREE.
ALLAH BLESSED ME WITH A BEAUTIFUL BABY AND AMAZING FRIENDS.
GOD IS MY SAVIOUR AND THE KNOWER OF ALL THINGS.
WITH HIM I AM SAFE.
BY FOLLOWING HIS WILL, I AM SAFE.
I want to thank you all (I know I do it a lot, but I think it’s good to say thank you!), with a special mention to Bonnie, Catherine, Salma, Zarina, Liv, Hadir and Amie.
Your friendship means the world to me. Your support and prayers never faded over the past year. Some people say they can only count their friends on the fingers of one hand. I must have special favors from above, cause my two hands are not enough to count my true friends.
“And He it is who spread the earth and made in it firm mountains and rivers, and of all fruits He has made in it two kinds; He makes the night cover the day; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” The Holy Qur’an
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” The Bible – Proverbs 3:5-6