My thoughts on youth, life, memories and dreams

When I was young I had many dreams. I wanted to achieve them now. I was impatient of growing up. I thought a lifetime would not be enough to do all the things I wanted to do.

I was living in a permanent hurry.

I am older. And I realize by wanting too much too quickly, you forget the purpose of life, you get lost on the road. With each age comes a lesson we have to learn before stepping into the next one. Life is a process.

When I left Ireland I left all my belongings behind me. I came back home with one suitcase only. I have been living for the past year without these things. I thought they were essential. They are not. They are memories. They belong to my past, to the girl I was. I am not the same woman. I don’t need them anymore.

I wonder what I would do with these things if they were to be in my possession again.

I wanted to live simply. I was sure I had much more than I needed. God heard my prayer. It did not happen the way I expected. Nothing comes as expected when God is making plans for us.

Memories stay in our minds. We travel back to them with a song, an image, a word. They remain alive till we can’t remember them anymore.

When I left France nearly seven years ago, I left many other things behind. They are waiting in boxes in a country house. They belong to the young adult I was. They might stay here till my son is old enough to go down memory lane. They belong to his history and it is maybe for him I keep them alive.

As for my dreams, I did not achieve many, too preoccupied by time. Today I see life differently.

First I have to provide for my baby boy. I have to look after him, work, so he can grow up secure and in peace.

There were many jobs I wanted to do. There are only few ones I can do to guarantee him a wealthy life. My dreams changed.

I don’t want a big house or three kids anymore. I don’t want fancy clothes or birthday parties.

I wish for Mister Pop and I to travel the world, to meet all the beautiful friends I have (I can tell you the list is quite long and will take us to the four corners of the world), to live every moment fully. I want to build up for him a life of wonderful and shiny memories.

I will one day achieve some of the other dreams I have. Maybe write a book. Maybe set up my own business, learn Arabic and Spanish. Maybe move to another country. Maybe meet someone who will love me for who I am, be a good dad for Mister Pop. I don’t know.

There is no rush. Time is on my side. God is making secret plans in his eternal home.

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