It’s time

I wrote a couple of lines this morning. And then I decided not to publish them.

I want to let go. And writing again and again about the past won’t help me to get there.

I have to get over the failure of my marriage. And to see past beyond the family I wanted to build.

Nobody dreams of divorce when they say YES. But things happen. Some women might have stayed. I decided to leave. I couldn’t stand the emotional abuse anymore. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. It’s as simple as that.

It feels as if I want people to understand my choice. But who cares. You don’t live your life according to others standards. As the nurse of our area says: “We all do what we can with what we have”. She is right.

I want to move on. With the help of God, I will succeed.

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8 thoughts on “It’s time

  1. Hi hun,

    Sometimes writing things down and getting it out of your system actually helps with the moving on part. So don’t be afraid to write about it.

    Take care x

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  2. I understand Marie…you don’t have to do it here- maybe a personal journal???…sometimes our blogs start out as journals just for us, sometimes they don’t give us the privacy that we need. Speak about it…get it out…soon you will be able to pass this part of it 🙂

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    • I do write in a private diary. I just seem to come back to the same place again and again. I feel I am not fair to him (my ex-husband) and that at the end it’s all my fault. I am annoyed and when I look back at who I was, I feel disgusted by myself. I need to practice self-love and self-respect. Hard Task!

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  3. “I want to move on.” It’s been 18 months that I left. Sometimes it seems so long ago and I get frustrated with myself for not being able to move on, and other times it seems like “yesterday” and I live again the abuse and violence and can still feel the bruises

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    • I understand every one of your words and feelings Nikky. It’s been 15 months and I can still hear the harsh words and feel the heavy silence that surrounded my life.
      Healing takes time, we have to integrate this. You’ll succeed. I know you will. Keeping you in my prayers dear.

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  4. Marie, I feel you should write it down. May be you can start a private blog and put it down there. So, you will have freedom to keep it completely private or visible to a selected few whom you find comfortable to read your mind…

    Speaking out many times help us alleviate the pain in the heart. Storing everything inside would only make us burn and shatter!

    May Almighty help you stay strong and move on!

    xxx,
    Nishana

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    • Thanks so much Nishana. I just feel nobody really wants to hear this and I don’t really know how to explain things. Maybe he just acted the way he thought was good or maybe there is nothing to understand.
      I do write in a private journal but I feel I am turning around and nothing comes out of it.
      And so many women know so many more problems than the ones I encountered in my 30 years of life, so why do I complain so much?

      Thank you for your prayers and support.
      Take care
      Marie

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