Good wife

These are the two words I was always wishing to get. They were like the most precious thing of my married life.

I used to rush home after work to start cooking the diner, before my ex-husband came home. I didn’t want him to tell me once again that I was not cooking right. Cooking for him became my worst nightmare. Cooking right. Cooking, so he would eat and not ask for something else, at the middle of the night.

It it wasn’t right, he wasn’t going to eat it. He was going to tell me: “I showed you twice. If you can’t get it right, it’s your problem”.

But when it was good, he would say “good wife”. And it felt good. I could breath again. He would not leave me. He would not go out and search for a new wife.

It was not only for cooking. It was for going out, dressing up, cleaning the house or ironing his shirts. It was for learning arabic words and acting nice with his friends.

Me: “the dusk keep coming back quickly here.”

Him: “it’s because you don’t know how to clean well.”

Me: “I am going out with friends for a coffe.”

Him: “Where? What time? Which friend? A boy? A friend I know?”

Him: “Did you clean this shirt?”

Me: “I did.”

Him: “Really? Look it’s dirty. Give me another one and next time look at it twice before putting it in the wardrobe.”

Me: “Why do you always make me feel useless?”

Him: “I tell you all this for your own good. Cause I know better than you.”

Moments of life. GOOD WIFE. OR NOT.

Most of the time I was not. And then some days I was, the days I did clean well and cook well, the days I stayed at home and wait for him to come back, the days I did not raise my voice or don’t argue with him, the days I welcome his friends nicely (but never with a big smile, cause it was not good for a wife to smile too much).

In the last months of our marriage, I was not Marie anymore. He was calling me “my wife” all the time, when asking me something or telling me again that “no man would ever love me like he did”. I was His Wife. His Good Wife some days. And His Bad Wife when I would not fit in the boxes he created.

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9 thoughts on “Good wife

  1. Sorry, but I must say that “he wasn’t a good husband either..”
    You haven’t fitted into the boxes he created.. Unfortunately, many times men create boxes and they expect women to fit in, forgetting that every woman is an individual with her-own set of strengths and weaknesses… It happens everywhere, any corner of the world you go, you will come across this scenario..

    Move on marie… You aren’t useless… Doing dishes, cooking or perfect laundry is not the only standards to measure a woman or a wife… You’re so lovely, strong and an inspiration to many around you!! You aren’t useless, just that someone failed to recognize you as you doesn’t mean that you have been a failure…

    Move on sister… You’re what you’re!! He is what he is!!

    Thinking of you and Mr. P..

    Sending love from miles afar..

    Nishana

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    • Thank you so much Nishana for your words full of love and wisdom.
      They mean a lot to me. I should make a board with all these words of encouragement as a reminder to stop blaming myself and stop feeling guilty or not worth it.
      Thinking of you and Liya.
      Much love.

      Like

  2. I agree with Nishana. He is not a good husband. At all. Marriage is a partnership. You are not a maid. Underneath it all, I see that he has an inferiority complex. You have been highly educated and he feels fearful and threatened subconsciously. He did what he did because of his fear. Forgive him, Marie. He didn’t know any better than what he did.

    I pray that you will someday, when you are ready, find someone who will love and treasure you, for the lovely woman that you are, as you are. Don’t accept anything less. You are not useless and don’t let anyone make you feel that way. You are a human being, mistakes and all, and that’s all acceptable.

    “Don’t let anyone enter your inner kingdom unless they come with love.”

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    • I think you got it right Asni. That’s the reason why I was so worried to marry him. I knew this would create many hardships for us to not have the same level of education or the same way to see life. But everytime I said No, he kept coming back telling me I was the woman of his life. He nearly “forced” me into mariage. I thought this will make him happy. I wanted peace and I said “yes”, so I am as guilty as he is.
      Thanks for this quote, it talks to me a lot. I need to look at myself with compassion and love. I need to practice self-love and self-respect. I will succeed.
      Thanks again for being there always.

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  3. If you hadn’t done it already, I would tell you “RUN AWAY” !!!
    And believe me, Marie, I’m not used to give this kind of advice lightly. I usually advocate for reconciliation, compromises, patience. Seeing the good in everyone. But some people are just toxic and make you feel you’re bad, you’re nothing.
    This man just couldn’t see the treasure of wife he had. He didn’t deserve you.
    I wish my mom would have had your courage and would have protected me from such a noxious personality… It can make lifelong domages on children too.

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    • I am like you Marie. I tried every minute of every day to talk and make efforts and be patient and see the good in him, till everything did not work and running away was my only option. It’s when I realised that I would never be allowed to speak up or tell how and what I think that I decided to go. There was nothing else to do. I had tried everything I could.
      Leaving was my way of protecting my baby boy. I knew what would have happened if I had stayed. I had a terrible example in front of me, the experience of my friend, who was losing herself and whose little boy was in constant pain.
      Thank you for your support and your words.
      Stay blessed.

      Like

  4. Marie.. I believe you did the best decision by leaving him; what kind of man who thinks like that.. He must have been sending you negative energy all the time 😦

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