Posted in Love life and Live with Faith

Self-esteem – a work in progress

My self-esteem has always been very low.

I don’t know where this comes from. I had a happy childhood. I had a childhood full of love and security. My parents never forgot to encourage me.

Maybe it’s the years of bullying at school. Or the fact that I grew up way too fast and my parents did not understand or see my issues, as they were too busy dealing with my sister’s problems.

So when a man came into my life and kept telling me that I was not good enough, I believed him. I believed every single word he said. He was perfect. He was my savior (bad idea). I allowed him to shout at me, to stay silent for days or wake me up in the middle of the night for nothing, to leave me alone half of the time, to despise me, to make me feel unwanted. I always had an excuse for him. After the crisis, he was nice, full of lovely words, he became again the man I loved, he would accept to forgive me for “my lack of modesty, for being rude to him, for leaving him feel useless”.

I tend to see myself small in comparison to others. I always think I have nothing good to say or share. Writing helps me to get rid of this feeling, but the face to face reality is making things quite difficult. Still.

I admire many people. I would love to meet half of them but I am scared to be not good enough. I see these people much better than who I am (that include you ladies!) And the worst is that I know it’s completely stupid to feel that way.

The other night I had a bad dream. Everybody around me kept repeating “not good enough”. I was in the middle of the street, asking God to stop it and end my life (quite not a very useful prayer). Suddenly I realized this was not right. I stood up and walked away. Nobody should have the power to push me down, to belittle me. I was the one allowing this to happen, the only one accepting to be less than who I am.

It’s time for me to work on self-esteem and not let people decide whether I am good enough or not for them. I am enough. I am beautiful. God created me the way I am for a reason. I should honor this gift by loving myself.

Any issues of self-esteem on your side? Any solution you might like to share?

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13 thoughts on “Self-esteem – a work in progress

  1. He was (probably still is) an emotional vampire. It makes me so mad to read those words because you are soooooo much better than him, than all of these things. We all have self-esteem issues, I think it’s just about finding a balance and saying “this is where I draw the line”. I feel sorry for anyone else who gets involved with him.

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    1. I feel sorry too but it’s his problem.
      Finding a balance, I think it’s what I am looking for Salma and be able to say NO as well to people who think they can cross the line.
      Have a beautiful day. xx

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  2. **I admire many people. I would love to meet half of them but I am scared to be not good enough**

    Don’t listen….

    That voice inside your head is a Big Fat LIE)))))!!!!

    You ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

    You. Always. Were.

    XXXXX

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  3. Such people make me furious..they have an inferiority complex and thus they bully others..
    Believe it as Salma said.. We all have that part of us where we have our doubts with self esteem but don’t let it in yourself..you need your happy self back and your baby needs you too..
    Hugs *

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    1. Thank you Ibtisam. I am slowly reconnecting with my self and I work a lot toward being a more contempted and happy woman and mum. It is such hard work but with all the help I have around me, surely I will get there.
      Take care dear. Love to you.

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  4. I see myself in your words, not because of my hubby but my family….have a post in my drafts which I am trying to finish with similar theme.

    Hugs to you hun, and ignore anyone who says you are not good enough x

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    1. It looks like you are having a tough time with your family and I can imagine how hard it can be to have to face this so often. Stay strong and keep writing your thoughts, it can only do you good.
      Stay well always. xoxo

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  5. We all have these kind of feelings, too, Marie. It’s normal because we are all human being. We are not here to be “good enough” for other people. We are here to be good enough for ourselves, to blossom to our higher purpose, whatever that may be.

    Loving ourselves is a life long journey. I, too, am working on it, each and every day.

    “I am worth loving. I do not have to earn love. I am lovable because I exist.” – Louise Hay

    Much love and hugs.

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    1. Thanks for your word Asni. Self-love is really a journey in itself. I don’t know where this feeling comes from of always wanting to please others. When in fact, you’re right, our purpose is only to be ourselves and to blossom (I love this idea).
      Much love to you too.

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