What would you have done?

If you mum would have come to you saying

“your dad better not find you there reading a book, when he comes home”

Would you have just said “ok”?

Would you have just asked “why? what’s wrong with reading a book”?

Would you have said “I don’t agree with this. What’s his problem? I can’t do what I want in my own home”?

Would you have said “no more of this bullshit. A man will never ever say to me what I should or should not do”?

Or would you have said “this is not my battle”?

****

If you mum had started crying and talking once again about her life, abused childhood, about her messed up married life, about how she is trying everything but no one sees it

Would you have taken her in your arms and say you’re sorry for creating such a mess around a single book?

Would you have told her “maybe you should leave dad”?

Would you have said “please stop with your childhood memories. I am fed up. I can’t take this anymore. We’ve been living with all this craziness since we’re kids. I can’t hear about it anymore”?

Would you have just stayed there and listen. And think “when all this will stop”?

What would you have done?

Would you have felt helpless?

Would you have asked yourself “how to set boundaries with all this mess coming around again and again and again”?

Do you know how to set boundaries, how to deal with this, without hurting yourself?

We are the change

But how to change? Where to start?

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12 thoughts on “What would you have done?

  1. Powerful.
    Heartbreaking.
    Relevant.
    Relatable.
    NOW I would say, “Lets Leave. Lets get out. Lets go for help. Lets Tell. Lets do it together. Here, let me hold your hand. I love you.”

    O, yes, that’s what I wish I would have done w/ Kay.

    xxxxxx kISSSS from MN.

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    • Do you think Kay would have listened, would have followed you Kim…It’s hard isn’t it to see people suffering and know that whatever you will say nothing will change, like they think they deserve messy crazy lives, when they only deserve the Best.
      Love You Kim! Love your Words. ALWAYS.
      XXXXX

      Like

  2. I would have said “Leave Dad” but I probably would have paid the price. Sometimes a hug is all we can give and then let go and let God. That’s what I’ve learned. This is an important question that needs to be asked of everyone. We also need to realize we don’t always have the power to make the change and it’s up to that person. Hugs!!

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  3. OH what heartbreaking moments you shared here, my friend. I kept thinking, “It’s not fair for a child to have to bear the burdens of her mom!” And I felt the pain and the hopelessness around both precious souls…

    I would have wanted to take her hand and say “Mom, you must leave. We deserve better.”

    But there’s no turning back is there? That’s where grace can lift us and carry us through the tomorrows to come. ❤

    I'm SO sorry this was your story to tell, Marie. Bless you, my friend.

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    • It’s quite hard for both people Chris. Yes. But we can’t deal with other people’s pain.
      I tried it many times. My dad was not like this before. He was supportive and kind. Life changed him. Not the good way. Maybe he grew up tired of life as it is.
      No turning back. We all make our own choices. We can’t chose for others. Moving on and trusting God.
      Thanks so much for you sweet words. xoxo

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  4. I think when it’s been going on since childhood, there is a pattern there of interacting with each other. As a child, you learn what causes you the least pain and if it’s to keep quiet, pretend you’re not seeing what you’re seeing and to stuff down your emotions, then it’s very difficult to speak up or to be present and clear enough to think about what change can be made. I know I’m struggling with this. My mum is unhappy, but doesn’t seem to know how to make herself happy. I’ve tried suggesting making changes to things she’s always complaining about, but she seems unable to do so (even if it’s small like buying a GPS). If we’ve grown up in such a home it’s important to realise that most likely we’ve grown up taught to be co-dependent and to put other people’s needs first (especially your parents’). This doesn’t benefit anyone in the end, because you feel like your needs don’t matter and you struggle to define your boundaries so you can create a thriving self, and your mother never has to open her eyes and go to the roots of what’s causing her pain, because she can keep projecting it outside and expecting you (or others) to clean up the mess. If left unexamined, we also have a real danger of attracting narcissists into our lives and people who need you to fix their problems and give little back.

    If you resonate with this, then a good speaker I’ve come across recently is Lisa A. Romano. She has a channel on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaaromano1) and I feel she opened my eyes to the reality of my emotional state.

    Stay well, dear friend xxx

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