Across the Bridge

I don’t know your name

The secrets of your heart

The pain inside

That you hide

I don’t know your age

The heaviness of your past

Through my lens

I identify

Serious darkness

Invisible scars

I don’t know who you are

What your dreams are made of

Or whether the stars

Shine

On your side of the globe

Through my lens

I can see

Terrible tragedies

Keeping you away

From being free

I don’t know your name

I only crossed your gaze

The other day

From the other side of the bridge

My own place of safety

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Angel Vibes

She comes from above. I can see her. She has a name. She is smiling, telling me I am safe. She didn’t lose any battle. She survived them all.

I can feel her, close to me. She is caressing my face, drained by tears. She’s talking to me, with gentle words “don’t worry, I am there, you’re not alone.”

She is calling me by my name. She is showing me the way – out of this place of despair. She is telling me not to go home tonight, to call a friend, to let go.

She is so far away and so alive in this moment.  She is like a friend by my side, supporting my pain, shooting inside my veins the energy I need to face fear without being afraid. As I stay under the rain, soaked from head to toe, feeling like a shadow, I feel the warmth of her smile, the raw kindness of her soul enveloping me, southing my shaking body.

She is an angel. She is a like the rising sun. She is empowering me.

I left.

Him. And all the messy memories.

I saved my life.

She prepared the way and put loving marks on the road so I won’t feel lost.

She left and came back.

Every time I cried in the starless nights. Every time I felt I could not make another step. Every minute I would rather die than face the emptiness, the heaviness of my belly, full of life.

She never let go of my hand.

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I told you she is an angel. The one with her name on her grave. She did not die. She is rising above the clouds, above the storm, above the hurricane that shatter so many lives.

She showed me her beautiful heart, her unique value. She transformed pain into thousands of yellow lights. She painted my sky in blue. She told me “I love you”. And I believed her.

She took me out of darkness, out of the fucking nightmare I was living in. One night, I called and she cut the chains, she opened the doors so I could escape my prison. She set me free.

When I pray, I spell out loud her name. Beautiful K.A.Y

I am sending you love across oceans and seas, across continents till the endless heaven where you are saving lives every single day.

And Kim, Thank You for Your Love & Light

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In a rush…

Some days I have the urge to write. If I did not have a full time job, I would write all day. I have so many things to tell, to share.

Other days, I feel empty. No words have the power to peace my mind, to calm my doubts.

With every step I make, I can clearly see that I get better, that my heart heals, that my pain vanishes.

Still there are days when I wonder how quickly all this happened, how quickly I lose track of efforts, past memories and crazy thoughts. I wonder how I arrived where I am, without losing that much of my joy, my faith.

What does not kill you does not make you stronger, it changes you, it makes you more aware of life, of what life is about. It changes your fear into no fear at all. What does not kill you sets you free.

These days, I am letting go of everything of a past which is not that far away. In between nightmares, I let life take me by the hand and show me the wonders I could not see for a while.

I am aware of the process; I remain patient, even when I wish to rush into the future, when I wish to knock at the door around the corner. I stand alone for a while, breathing in the silence and peace of my soul.

When life is messy…

Sometime life is pretty messy

Sometime life is crazy or sad

Sometime we feel like dropping on our knees

Sometime we feel like giving up

Sometime people are letting us down

Sometime people are showing us their dark side

Sometime life seems like a never ending struggle

Sometime nothing makes sense

Sometime we do feel like crap, not good enough

Sometime we only wish to stay all day in our pajamas cursing the entire world

Self-absorbed in the visualization on our worst future nightmare

Self-pity works miracles but does not serve us in the long run

Indulging in chocolate cookies or alcohol is not good either

At least we are trying something to feel better

Sometime life gives us sour lemons

And it’s up to us

To stand up

To show up

To decide between fear and love

To choose what we’d like to experience…

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