In Between…

When you’ve been through abuse, when you’ve experienced bullying and harassment and /or emotional violence (sometime much more), it takes time to realize that all men are not like the one you’ve been with for « x » amount of time.

It’s hard to hear your friend complaining about her boyfriend or husband and to decide whether (or not) what they are dealing with is just “normal” argument between two people in love.

It’s hard to acknowledge that some people are really happy.

It’s hard to trust men again. It’s hard to open your heart.

It’s hard to be confident about you, about the power you have to set up the limits you need for your next relationship.

It’s hard to see friends happy and in love, always wondering “what if”?

It takes time to get over the past, to let go of all the feelings and emotions you experienced.

It takes time to realize that some men are good – good husbands – good friends – good dads. And that what they want is just the exact same thing you want.

It takes time to let love fill the space in your heart and rejoice for others happiness.

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I’m still “in between”…

Acknowledging that some stories are good

Some meant to happen for a reason…

Others must be forgotten…

And many are complicated but beautiful.

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15 thoughts on “In Between…

  1. Bonsoir Marie, j’espère que tu vas bien…
    Tu sais un cœur ça ne s’ouvre pas, c’est l’esprit qui s’ouvre pour que tout soit en symbiose. Le cœur lui explose sous l’affluence de donnée positive, c’est alors que les deux en accord apportent l’amour dont toi petite Marie tu as droit. Tu dois prendre le temps, tu dois te donner du temps, te réparer puis viendra la reconstruction et là crois-moi, tu seras prête pour “ton nouveau départ”.
    Tu es une très belle personne et même si ici nous tous sommes dans l’anonymat, beaucoup de gens saluent ton endurance et le parcours combatif dont tu as fait preuve.
    Je t’embrasse et fonce droit devant.
    Tony

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  2. Boy do I know it. The only thing that I know coming from abuse to finding love to having difficulties (right now), but still being committed and loving the person I am with is that love is not a feeling. If it were just a feeling it would easy to come and go as we please.

    I believe my past has affected me in so many ways. I cannot trust the way I should. I always need to make sense of words and actions and it’s so emotionally and physically draining.
    You will find love again Marie. You will know happiness, and you will know pain, and you will have some days where you wonder where you are and where you are going. But you will have have something to compare all of it to.

    Also, just thinking about friends that speak/complain…personally, I am only inspired to write when I am sad or upset. I don’t think it’s a good thing, but it’s my outlet. On the other hand, when things are great in my life I wouldn’t want to just share it because it would feel like bragging, so maybe, sometimes, people only see the negative (?)

    I am praying for all my friends, married, single, wanting to be (whichever).
    I love you and always admire you.

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  3. I’m experiencing the same thing. I don’t think I’m in between yet… It’s a constant battle in my mind. This time it is not about me. It’s about my children and my fear for them. I’m afraid they might meet the wrong people and at the same time afraid of communicating this fear to them and have them live isolated

    Liked by 1 person

    • Maries, I hope it’s OK that I respond to Nikky.
      Nikky, I have a 19 and 17 yr old daughters, and i also have these fears. My 19 yr old is like me in so many ways while her sister is more secretive.
      Then one thing that is consistent is that my girls have a harm time understanding how the mother that they know so well (strong, intelligent and brave) could have ever been THAT kind of woman.
      Sometimes I don’t know what to say but I try.
      Moms can have a huge burden but I feel you and I or anyone will have the courage for our kids.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You’ve been through a lot Nikky and I think it’s perfectly “normal” to feel this way. I definitely understand your worries for your children. But you took a big step, you’ve made a life changing decision and the only thing you can give your children now is confidence and strengh. I believe you will find the balance between fear and letting go. Thinking of you and sending you much love.

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  4. I know exactly what you mean. It’s hard to trust, anyone, actually and I fear I pit up walls to quickly now.
    I have known some horrible men in my life but I see them as the test for my husband now, 20 years together and believe me, I didn’t trust him either. It took a long time and him showing me kindness and unconditional love for 20 years that I slowly took down my wall.
    I wish this for every woman who has been hurt.

    Love to you, Marie. 💕💕💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your experience is inspiring Nazneen and your relationship with your husband a great reminder for all of us. I am so happy for both of you.
      I think it will take time but the time will come I will love and trust again…
      Thank you so much. Love from Paris

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