Will I be able to let the past where it belongs?
At the beginning of the year, it came back in a rush. I did not want to but yet it knocked at my door and I let it in. Not fully but enough so it could mess up with me again.
Memories, fears, doubts.
The need to explain my choices and to prove something. The guilt. The pain. It’s crazy how some people can bring to light the best in you and some can only take you down in a second and make you feel useless and lame!
The past came back and I felt strong for a while and then the same old story kept on playing, I wanted to scream. I put on a mask, the one that says “I am ok, I can deal with it.”
Will I, one day?
Ok, I made a bad choice once. Do I have to pay for ever? Or will I be free at some stage of all this nonsense?
Maybe the key is to close the door and don’t try to be nice again. Why should I be?
The key IS to stop trying so hard. This past doesn’t deserve anything from me. And anyway it’s made of nothing. It’s harsh I know and I feel bad sometimes to think like this. Maybe I should stop feeling bad about this, as well!
In fact I am the only one free to show up and say “fuck you!” Once and forever!