Autumn through the years

I remember. The first autumn. When you were in my belly, when I used to talk to you about the season, about my wishes for the ones to come.

I was happy in a way. Leaves were turning brown and I was drafting our future, the walks we would do hand in hand, the sound of the rain, the rustle around, the song of the wind, the warmth of a sunday afternoon by the sea.

Knowing you were there gave me the strenght to live through the dark hours ahead. I was not alone anymore and I could tell you about all the beauty, all the wonderful of life. I never doubted it. I never allowed anybody to come between you and me.

Autumn was tender when winter was harsh. I lose my mind many times. And yet I kept talking to you, like a madwoman most of the time. But I cared you know. I cared so much. I wanted the best for you and I took the chance, even if it came with chaos and violence, even if at a time I thought of giving you away. So somebody else could take care of you.

Year after year, autumn comes as a reminder of love shared, of love like the most powerful tool to overcome the worst. I knew I would not have left if it’s not for you. You were the green light on the road, that we took together, hand in hand. Always.

Now

It must be written somewhere
That the only time is
Now and nothing else

Chaos is done
Dreams are to become

As we are trying to hold time
In hands full of do’s
We are forgetting that Today
Was yesterday a future
And would be tomorrow a past

If we don’t stop
We’ll miss the shot

Despite the silence

Awake at night
I wish I could feel
Your breath against
My bare skin

I keep your absence
At a distance
By fear of scars
Messing with the present

I wish I could
Sweep them away
I wish I could
Erase darkness

Just like this
Just with the power
Of my thoughts

But at times
It’s back and with it
Chaos and Tears

I don’t seem to be able
To master them
So I fall with them

I escape the world
I move away from your touch
I let silence do the talking

I am grieving, alone
So you won’t have to take care
Of my broken soul
Once again

Blueprint

We knew, in a way
What we wanted
What we wished for

In a way, with nothing coming
To keep us away
For too long

We didn’t know
And it came
Like an unwanted surprise

We didn’t know
What was coming our way
Keeping us apart

Not too long
But enough
To make us wander

Enough time
For emptiness to grow
Our voices lost in day to day routine

Where do we stand between
Family gatherings
Our own familiar dreams

Where do we belong
In this new blueprint?

Place of Love

credit @mariekleber37

I am finding my way
Against the crowd

Allowing myself to feel blessed
By words I’ll never hear

Some are able to say love
When others are hiding their feelings

Love is somewhere else
In a place of childhood memories

Well kept forever
So we can find them
When tides are high
And our hearts search in vain
A place to stop
Or start again