It’s hard not to. Not to remember this night. Hard to see the number 13 on the screen and feel nothing. It’s hard to forget. Hard to behave like none of this happened.
We can try. Some are good at it. Some are good at closing their eyes. Some don’t want to remember. Cause it’s too tough. Cause it’s too soon maybe. Cause they don’t see why this would make a difference.
I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to forget. Even if it makes me shiver. Even if it’s far from what I believe and pray for. Even if I don’t understand and if I’d rather see love than blood on the day screens.
I can say it does not matter. I was not one of them. I was out of the mess of this terrible night. I’d lie. I was there, crying, feeling the pain of those who died, of those who survived. I was there, knowing our world would never be the same again, letting go of layers of fears, trying to find solace in kid’s innocent smiles.
When darkness threatens the foundations of our lives, we can’t keep going like nothing is real. We ought to walk, confident, holding to hope like a second skin, towards the light.