Posted in Let's talk about..., Snapshots of my life

Overwhelming feelings

A little thing – that will be nothing for others, or close to nothing – can make me shiver. And then I dive into a space where I can only see my flaws.

I feel like a child, looking at the world for the first time and thinking it’s a magical place. No harm around. I feel safe. And then it happens. And like a child, I feel overwhelmed. My emotions are raw, deep. I feel squeezed between so many feelings.

Like a slap on my face, my balance is at stake. If only there could be somebody to hold me so I won’t be falling. But I crash and I soon feel empty. Like I only deserve what I got. Like I got punished for believing in something that don’t exist.

The world is not always that place where you can be and feel free. Freedom is a beautiful world. But it comes with a price. If you are not aware that you have to pay it, you find yourself lost half-way.

I can’t change the world. I just have to learn to take my place in it. Not that easy. Cause I have a hard time seeing it as it is.

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Posted in Let's talk about..., My midnight blues, Women of the World

Men & Women friendship

He was my friend
Before I submit myself to a will
I couldn’t understand

Cultural ideas
Men and women don’t mix
They ought to go separate ways

To your husband
You must obey
His will become yours
Or you go ashtray

So he was my friend
And one day
I felt scared to even write
Him an email

I remained silent
No words to explain
A choice I wouldn’t
Challenge again

Being his friend
Was a crime
Cultural ideas
Made it bad

Talking in the street with someone
Showing the way
Or even smile
Forget to even be nice

Men and women don’t mix
Or you’ll have to suffer my wrath

Your husband
You don’t betray
Or you’re a slut
To my dismay

He was my friend
Then he was gone
I could only feel guilty
For not standing my grounds

We were only friends
No threat to his life
I let childhood sleep
Behind the car glass

Men and women don’t mix
Cultural beliefs
If you trigger the deal
Don’t cry
You deserve it

Your husband
Has every right

You broke the promise
Men and women don’t mix
Don’t even tell me otherwise

Or I will make you pay
The price

Posted in Let's talk about..., My midnight blues, Snapshots of my life

It’s not love

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They say “it’s love”
But it’s not

Love is not
About making people
Feel like they count for nothing

Love is not
About making people
Feel guilty all the time

Love is not
About making people
Think they are monsters in disguise

Love is not
About causing people pain

Love is not
About making people
Suffer and cry

Some mums don’t love
They manage
They manipulate
They kill slowly
The ones they ought to love the most

They say
“You’re my child but I can’t stand you”

So stop thinking “it’s love”
It’s not
It’s possession
It’s having someone
They can destroy at will
Slowly…
Without people noticing it

Cause they’re mums
And mums don’t hate
They love

Posted in Let's talk about..., My midnight blues, Snapshots of my life

Step by step

Copyright Marie Kléber

(It was like this before
I would stay behind
I would not ask
I would keep my voice down
I would say “I understand”
And not getting anything of what was said

Just so I won’t feel vulnerable

It was like this before
People laughing
Kids playing
Teachers pointing at me
Bad marks
Unhappy feelings

It was like this before
Fitting in
Staying unseen
Playing it by the rules
Ackowledging mistakes I didn’t make

Every step is a change
In a new direction
Allowing myself to be
Vulnerable
And yet
Strong

Every day I release old scars
Moving on to brighter days
Where being myself
Is not seen as a failure
Anymore

Posted in Let's talk about..., My midnight blues, Snapshots of my life

A brand new sky

Copyright Marie Kléber

She conquered her freedom
Behind the deep blue veil of the sea

Love was only a mirage
In the exchange of promises
To care and be there – always
Words came and went
Like the wind on a stormy night
They were made of broken glass

Just empty feelings
And nowhere to hide
Emprisonned inside her own mind
And crazy wishes
To end the darkness of her endless night

She set herself free
Found the key to witness the beauty
Of a purple new dawn

***

We are many to know that our life is not the way it should be. Yet it’s not always easy to stop the mess we are in. We need time to find our way back to ourselves. Peace and freedom are not illusions. They exist. We just have to stop, look and decide what’s best for us, at one given time. From this place, we can start on a new road. A better one for sure.

How did you start again? When did you know you couldn’t keep going and you had to make a change in your life as it was?

Posted in Let's talk about..., Snapshots of my life

Being ourselves

Copyright Marie Kléber

There was something before him. I wrote everything. I remember half of it. His love – today – does even change the past. Not what happened. But how I relate to it.

It’s less and less painful. I am moving to a place where  I know myself better. Where I understand what happened better too.

Fear, it was.

Fear of not being accepted. Not being loved. I mean not being loveable. Or enough. Yes, this is it. These people who drag you down, they see themselves before seeing you. They think they are close to perfection. And you, not. You are millions steps away from it. And their job is to make you better. You should even feel blessed to have crossed their path. This is just bullshit.

They’re fake.

So we were fake together. We didn’t work. We were not happy. Obviously. We got together for the wrong reasons. I was looking for recognition. I wanted to be useful. I wanted to count. And I got nothing but poor attention. I couldn’t count cause I wouldn’t match the perfect image of the perfect wife in a perfect mariage.

That’s it. Part of life experiences. I got lucky to escape and start again. It’s like winning the World Cup – I guess. Being able to stop the mess and start on a new track. Better road. Better people. No contest. Just be. Just love. Just live.

 

Posted in Let's talk about..., Mister Pop, Snapshots of my life

Just the two of us

Copyright Marie Kléber

Kids love full houses. Voices. And people. And playing. Laughing. Games and big tables. Snacks and treats.

Maybe it’s the hardest part. The one that says, on a daily basis, it’s just the two of us.

Just him and me.

And seeing him missing something. The people. The voices. The fun. The funny part of life. Missing his friends as soon as we are back home. Missing his grand-parents as soon as they are back home.

When I feel down, I feel guilty.

But some days are good. Some days are even great fun. Just the two of us.

But I know he is in need of something more. So we go out. And spend days with family. And we meet people. And I try not to feel blue too often, or at least leave the blues for later. When he is in bed. And I remember the chance we have to be where we are.

We can never be sure to do it right.

We just try our best.

Isn’t it what we all do?

Posted in Let's talk about..., Snapshots of my life

Rainy days

Copyright Marie Kléber

We can call it a day

You know days. They come and go.

Do we remember each one of them in the vastness of life?

Or do we keep only ones, ones with a difference. Ones with something special. Memories we keep in mind and revisit when we feel like

it’s time to remember something. So other things can make sense.

And when nothing make sense, maybe it’s good to look outside and watch nature unfolding its treasures. Just un front of our eyes.

They say that green is the color of hope. Green is everywhere these days,. Surely, we miss the sun. But rain is giving us this brightness, these colors, so we can breath in the power of nature revealing itself, blooming.

I am like everybody else, I like the warmth of yellow sparks. But I also love the music of the rain, the scent of it, the freshness, I like being in and out, celebrating with nature, watching kids jumping in puddles, with a bright smile on their faces. I love being with people not scared about it. So we can enjoy and feel free together.

Rain is like magical powder that chase away my deepest fears and pains.

How do you feel about rain? Tell me all about it my friends…

Posted in Let's talk about..., My midnight blues, Snapshots of my life

About time…

Copyright Marie Kléber

We hoped
And flew

Away with the sun
Reaching high
Chasing blue skies

Finding solace
In the arms of a lifelong
Dream

***

Words come when I don’t expect them to show up. If I can’t catch them, I let them go. Or I find myself in a place of struggle. I don’t need more these days. I got enough on my plate. Some will say it’s all about being hypersensitive. Maybe. For me, it’s about digesting life events and news that don’t make sense to me. It’s about healing. And healing takes time…