Womb awakening

We are part of the same network
Blood linking us together
Your pain is not mine
And yet…
It’s written in my DNA

We’re familly
This special bond
Many pains brought together
And never we thought
It could be different

It’s time
To walk alone
No guilt in letting go
Of a story untold

No guilt in leaving
Someone ought to break
The invisible link
Of hardships

We can’t carry on
Letting the past decide
Of our future

It’s time
For each one of us
To make the choice
Of better tomorrows

May we bring forgivness
Inside
Whathever we may feel
Whathever our scars

We are the only ones
With the power
To heal each other’s wounds

By choosing ourselves
Our own growth
Our own pace

The freedom to be
Our own savior
Our best mate

Finding outside the lineage
Our own truth
Our voice
Hidden behind the veil of distress

Happiness Maker

Crédit Pixabay

You come from a different space
Your eyes can see inside of me

No need to hide
No way to escape
Both beauty and darkness
Of my soul

You meet me at the crossroad
Where I stand
As I am – unbalanced
Most of the time

Every day
You are giving me the chance
To grow
And the freedom
To express myself
In so many different ways

You breath life
Into my world

Where I stand my ground

Credit@Pixabay

Find your truth inside

Making choices is kind of hard to me. I tend to come and go and change my mind many times a day when I need to take a decision or make a move. I find it even hard to chose between yoghurts at the supermarket, so…

I always wait – too long – for people’s approval. It may never come. Still it reassures me at times. But it keeps me dependant of what others are thinking, which come with their perception of a specific situation. That may not be mine at all.

There is one subject, thought, where I do stand my ground, despite what everybody else think and would rather do – if they’re me – they’re not, thank God!

This is about my son’s dad. For me it’s no relationship except what was stated in the divorce papers. I don’t care that he is his father – I think this is complete bullshit by the way, I mean a father is a man who cares about his child, and not about himself only.
Anyway. I am not tender with him. I will never be. I will never trust him anymore. Maybe it sounds harsh but I know him. And I know he is no good for his son. Never will be, except maybe if he realize one day (I doubt it!) the mess he’d done and take responsability for it.
I gave enough of my joy, faith, love, enough of my time, money, spirit for this guy.

I remember being angry in the past towards people who could not understand and kept telling me to be more gentle and accept that people may change.
But who can really understand this feeling of opression and being manipulated with each word said or written?
I am the one with the experience, the one with the remains of the past, the one who struggled and rebuilt my life day after day. I am the one with the knowledge of what I can give and what can’t be given – a second chance.

So I let people have their ideas on the subject. Mine is not to be challenged!

A new road…

It struck me recently. This life, building undergrounds, searching to get out and breath. And yet building more, as if walking without something between me and the sky, between me and the bright light, was too fearful.

So I kept finding ways to escape. I kept running out of energy in search of something I would not even dare to catch.

It sounds a bit crazy. And yet it makes complete sense when I think about it, when I take a glimpse at what I grew up with…

The idea that life and struggle come together. So if I am at peace, I may die. And I don’t want to die. So I stay in darkness, I stay in this place where I need to fight and fight back to stay alive. Every battle is a blessing, a chance given to me to live. One more day.

I don’t want to build any more tunnels, I wish to walk a new road…

Let’s be alive!

img_20200114_143116
@MK

It’s time.
To move away from the chaos of the non-stop flow of informations. Too many words and images all around. And less time to be in the moment.
Some things can wait.
Some can’t.
And we tend to focus on the wrong ones, missing the greatness of life as we go on.

It’s time.
To trust the process.
To know others can help, guide, but that the answers are within ourselves.
Understanding is not enough, the past is long gone and now is building tomorrow, if only we are ready to take charge.

It’s time.
To reconnect with the true flavor of life.
To recognize our value. Not in comparison with others. We are all different with our own story.
Nobody can write ours, except us.

It’s time.
To be.
To smile at the clouds dancing in the sky.
To dream big and act great.

Happy 2020!

We got one month, but let’s do it now!

First of all, thank you for your support and your words. Reading you feels so good in happy times and harsh ones too. We all know these fleeting moments of pure joy or complete despair. Knowing that we are never alone is such a special treat. Together we are stronger, always.

Time to wish you a beautiful, bright, joyful year 2020. I don’t know why but I love this number, all round and sweet. It gives me the sensation that the year is going to be positive and full of awesomness.

May 2020 keeps you and your loved ones in good health so you can enjoy every single moment. May it gives you projects to bring to life, dreams to dwell on, words to live by.

May it be a year of sharing good times and meeting new people, of travels and discoveries, of time doing the things you love, of finding your balance, your peace, of getting closer to who you are, of letting go when you can, of loving yourself – pure and unconditionnal love.

I wish you the best and even more!

Learning always…

I am learning. The ups and downs. In search of my balance always. Every day, acknowledging what’s working and what’s not.

The need to get in touch with me and the failure of not being able to do so. Most of the time. Except maybe when silence is on play, when lights are down.

I am learning to accept it, this place of bruises, place of emptiness. Never being sure. Always doubting.

I left fear and I thought I would never feel this way again. And yet, it’s another kind of fear. One that needs care so I can defy it every single day.

I wanted to be strong. And yet I am not. Embracing it makes it less painful. I feel the urge to open my eyes, to let the words flow, to open the door so I can stand on the edge and stop hidding, stop saying ok when it’s not, stop behaving like all is under control, stop pretending.

Maybe this is my chance.

Of being human. And learning to let go, after all. Day by day. Layer by layer. Till I can look at myself in the mirror and only feel love. For who I am. Without control and conditions. Without wanting to be different.

The memory of you

I don’t know why you poped up into my mind this morning. Your memory.

I remember, will always, where I was when the phone rang, how I felt.  I somewhere knew what was about to be said. Something written since the day you entered my life. It could not last. Life like this. Life in a place of suffering. Pain, inside your head, in your body. Your fainted smile as the years went by.

Sometimes a glimpse of hope. Sometimes a chance, maybe. But every time it went as it came. And we remained there, on the threshold of a new dawn, the heart lost in a future that we could only imagine, that would never be yours to walk towards.

The end. I was prepared and yet, I lost balance. I felt relieved for you. I felt pain rushing into my blood and anger filling the space with emptiness.

You were so young. I was so full of dreams, thinking I could overcome every difficulty, I could break the silence they put between us. Your parents thought I was judging them. They felt guilty enough for not being able to look after you the way others thought they ought to.

They were wrong. I was on their side. I was your godmother, not a complete stranger with straight ideas on what it takes and what it means of rasing a disabled child.

You were always an angel anyway. To me. When death took you away, you just get home. You are somewhere between the stars. In my heart for ever. A part of my life. A bright one despite the end, despite all that went wrong between the day I hold you tight in that church and the day the phone rang to tell me you passed away. We did not say goodbye.

Thought of the day

We never know the truth about anybody. We make suppositions. We think that he or she is this way because of…

We judge easily. We think we are better, we do better.

We chose to think that if we were them we would do differently.

But we are not them. We don’t have a clue who they are, where they are coming from, what they went through before this special moment in time.

We make comments considering we have all the informations, considering we are all the same.

We dislike when people say they know better. But we do the same, all the time. We put people into perfect little boxes. We don’t give them a chance to tell their story. Or to improve.

We walk on earth, feeling trapped. Not even noticing that we are the first ones to create prisons. For ourselves.