Step by step

Copyright Marie Kléber

(It was like this before
I would stay behind
I would not ask
I would keep my voice down
I would say “I understand”
And not getting anything of what was said

Just so I won’t feel vulnerable

It was like this before
People laughing
Kids playing
Teachers pointing at me
Bad marks
Unhappy feelings

It was like this before
Fitting in
Staying unseen
Playing it by the rules
Ackowledging mistakes I didn’t make

Every step is a change
In a new direction
Allowing myself to be
Vulnerable
And yet
Strong

Every day I release old scars
Moving on to brighter days
Where being myself
Is not seen as a failure
Anymore

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A brand new sky

Copyright Marie Kléber

She conquered her freedom
Behind the deep blue veil of the sea

Love was only a mirage
In the exchange of promises
To care and be there – always
Words came and went
Like the wind on a stormy night
They were made of broken glass

Just empty feelings
And nowhere to hide
Emprisonned inside her own mind
And crazy wishes
To end the darkness of her endless night

She set herself free
Found the key to witness the beauty
Of a purple new dawn

***

We are many to know that our life is not the way it should be. Yet it’s not always easy to stop the mess we are in. We need time to find our way back to ourselves. Peace and freedom are not illusions. They exist. We just have to stop, look and decide what’s best for us, at one given time. From this place, we can start on a new road. A better one for sure.

How did you start again? When did you know you couldn’t keep going and you had to make a change in your life as it was?

Being ourselves

Copyright Marie Kléber

There was something before him. I wrote everything. I remember half of it. His love – today – does even change the past. Not what happened. But how I relate to it.

It’s less and less painful. I am moving to a place where  I know myself better. Where I understand what happened better too.

Fear, it was.

Fear of not being accepted. Not being loved. I mean not being loveable. Or enough. Yes, this is it. These people who drag you down, they see themselves before seeing you. They think they are close to perfection. And you, not. You are millions steps away from it. And their job is to make you better. You should even feel blessed to have crossed their path. This is just bullshit.

They’re fake.

So we were fake together. We didn’t work. We were not happy. Obviously. We got together for the wrong reasons. I was looking for recognition. I wanted to be useful. I wanted to count. And I got nothing but poor attention. I couldn’t count cause I wouldn’t match the perfect image of the perfect wife in a perfect mariage.

That’s it. Part of life experiences. I got lucky to escape and start again. It’s like winning the World Cup – I guess. Being able to stop the mess and start on a new track. Better road. Better people. No contest. Just be. Just love. Just live.

 

Just the two of us

Copyright Marie Kléber

Kids love full houses. Voices. And people. And playing. Laughing. Games and big tables. Snacks and treats.

Maybe it’s the hardest part. The one that says, on a daily basis, it’s just the two of us.

Just him and me.

And seeing him missing something. The people. The voices. The fun. The funny part of life. Missing his friends as soon as we are back home. Missing his grand-parents as soon as they are back home.

When I feel down, I feel guilty.

But some days are good. Some days are even great fun. Just the two of us.

But I know he is in need of something more. So we go out. And spend days with family. And we meet people. And I try not to feel blue too often, or at least leave the blues for later. When he is in bed. And I remember the chance we have to be where we are.

We can never be sure to do it right.

We just try our best.

Isn’t it what we all do?

Rainy days

Copyright Marie Kléber

We can call it a day

You know days. They come and go.

Do we remember each one of them in the vastness of life?

Or do we keep only ones, ones with a difference. Ones with something special. Memories we keep in mind and revisit when we feel like

it’s time to remember something. So other things can make sense.

And when nothing make sense, maybe it’s good to look outside and watch nature unfolding its treasures. Just un front of our eyes.

They say that green is the color of hope. Green is everywhere these days,. Surely, we miss the sun. But rain is giving us this brightness, these colors, so we can breath in the power of nature revealing itself, blooming.

I am like everybody else, I like the warmth of yellow sparks. But I also love the music of the rain, the scent of it, the freshness, I like being in and out, celebrating with nature, watching kids jumping in puddles, with a bright smile on their faces. I love being with people not scared about it. So we can enjoy and feel free together.

Rain is like magical powder that chase away my deepest fears and pains.

How do you feel about rain? Tell me all about it my friends…

About time…

Copyright Marie Kléber

We hoped
And flew

Away with the sun
Reaching high
Chasing blue skies

Finding solace
In the arms of a lifelong
Dream

***

Words come when I don’t expect them to show up. If I can’t catch them, I let them go. Or I find myself in a place of struggle. I don’t need more these days. I got enough on my plate. Some will say it’s all about being hypersensitive. Maybe. For me, it’s about digesting life events and news that don’t make sense to me. It’s about healing. And healing takes time…

 

 

Self-Expression

There are million ways to express ourselves…

Trying my hands at painting these days. No words, just silence to welcome the inspiration. Whatever it is…

Copyright Marie Kléber

Copyright Marie Kléber

What is your way?

The friends we are

Copyright Marie Kléber

We could talk freely
We could laugh
And we could cry
Just let the tears flow
That was fine

We could want to catch the sky
And dream romantic stories
We could wander early morning
In the midst of chaotic dreams
Never knowing where we would land after
The wake up call

We could talk about everything
The good, the bad
Our deepest fears
Our greatest joys
And the nasty hours of our lives

We would wait till night fall
And confess to each other
Our shitty mess, our darkest secrets

Where we are now
We only talk once a year
Maybe more
I don’t have to tell you
How much I miss you

Our walks on the seashore
The way we wanted to change the world
Making a place where we could share our emotions
Without feeling guilty or scared

Cause together we were the world united
In a bubble of truth
RAW is who we are – friends above everything else

Loving you

There is no craziness in loving you.

Just the knowledge that it is true. The way I feel and the way I deal with life. The growing confidence.

I believe there is nothing to understand. Just to be and appreciate the chance we have to walk side by side on the road of our lives.

We will never know where it takes us. It can be scary  at times. And yet I choose to focus on the good and forget the rest.

I can tell that I knew deep down that this day would come. I spent years searching for myself in the ruins of my past, so that when you will step inside my space, I coud be free to let you come and surprise me.

And if I have doubts or fears some days, I look within as I know it’s there that all the answers are.

Loving you is like a crazy firework enchanting my every day life!

It started…

How it started?

I don’t know. It just happened. After the holidays. Second year of primary school. It started.

And then it was the same deal for the next four years.

Some teachers were trying, not that hard, to stop it. Others would join in the mess. Yes. It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it?

People in general would say “they’re just kids”.

Easy.

And then, we (society) started talking about bullying. We realized it was dangerous. We put things and actions in place to help the bullied one and the bulliy. At least, we did something.

I experienced it a bit in secondary school too, till the day I stood up for myself. It was the end of it. Just like that. It happened. I could breath again without wondering what blow would come next. And from where.

Obviously, I don’t wish anybody to experience any of this. But bullying still happens. It’s a threat. It does even kill young kids nowadays. It’s tough to realize that nothing really change in 32 years. Maybe more. It’s tough to see that it even start in preschool…

Do you or your kids experienced it? How did you manage. Did you get help / support? Or were you on your own to deal with it?