There are million ways to express ourselves…
Trying my hands at painting these days. No words, just silence to welcome the inspiration. Whatever it is…
What is your way?
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Self-Expression
Category: Let’s talk about…
The friends we are
We could talk freely
We could laugh
And we could cry
Just let the tears flow
That was fine
We could want to catch the sky
And dream romantic stories
We could wander early morning
In the midst of chaotic dreams
Never knowing where we would land after
The wake up call
We could talk about everything
The good, the bad
Our deepest fears
Our greatest joys
And the nasty hours of our lives
We would wait till night fall
And confess to each other
Our shitty mess, our darkest secrets
Where we are now
We only talk once a year
Maybe more
I don’t have to tell you
How much I miss you
Our walks on the seashore
The way we wanted to change the world
Making a place where we could share our emotions
Without feeling guilty or scared
Cause together we were the world united
In a bubble of truth
RAW is who we are – friends above everything else
Loving you
There is no craziness in loving you.
Just the knowledge that it is true. The way I feel and the way I deal with life. The growing confidence.
I believe there is nothing to understand. Just to be and appreciate the chance we have to walk side by side on the road of our lives.
We will never know where it takes us. It can be scary at times. And yet I choose to focus on the good and forget the rest.
I can tell that I knew deep down that this day would come. I spent years searching for myself in the ruins of my past, so that when you will step inside my space, I coud be free to let you come and surprise me.
And if I have doubts or fears some days, I look within as I know it’s there that all the answers are.
Loving you is like a crazy firework enchanting my every day life!
It started…
How it started?
I don’t know. It just happened. After the holidays. Second year of primary school. It started.
And then it was the same deal for the next four years.
Some teachers were trying, not that hard, to stop it. Others would join in the mess. Yes. It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it?
People in general would say “they’re just kids”.
Easy.
And then, we (society) started talking about bullying. We realized it was dangerous. We put things and actions in place to help the bullied one and the bulliy. At least, we did something.
I experienced it a bit in secondary school too, till the day I stood up for myself. It was the end of it. Just like that. It happened. I could breath again without wondering what blow would come next. And from where.
Obviously, I don’t wish anybody to experience any of this. But bullying still happens. It’s a threat. It does even kill young kids nowadays. It’s tough to realize that nothing really change in 32 years. Maybe more. It’s tough to see that it even start in preschool…
Do you or your kids experienced it? How did you manage. Did you get help / support? Or were you on your own to deal with it?
The color of my nights
Nights can be tough, full of creatures I don’t recall meeting anywhere near my deepest fantasies. I can see blood and darkness, violence and echoes of lives I went through, scars and pain.
I live the nightmares like it is real life. I feel the emotions. I carry the weight of the sensations emprisonning my body. I recall ways of finding solace. And I swear that I will survive.
Something inside is trying to get hold of the key to understand what’s going on when I close my eyes and let my mind wander in the silent night.
Some nights are made of beauty. A few. Just so I can relax in the enchantment of this break. It won’t last and won’t remain. Good dreams will vanish and bad dreams will take over.
Nights will be tough again. I will empty my mind of all the things I can hardly bear…
What are the colors of your nights?
We were told…
We were told
Not to talk about it
Change the subject
Private matter
We were told
It is bad
We shall not enjoy it
We shall not express it
We shall not share about it
We shall not talk about it
And then we chose
To follow the rules
Or break them
We experienced guilt
We experienced loss
We experienced lack of freedom
We made sexuality a sin
When it is the core of our being
Our essence
How do you feel about sexuality?
My wishes for you
Wishes are flying all over the place
Here and there
Wishes of peace, light, love and wellness
I wish you this and more
I wish you a creative year
A year of words, sunny views on the fields of your dreams
A year of being you
You with your scars and your downs
Your moments of grace
A year of being fully present to the moment
Ready to embrace the new
To let go of all the things that don’t serve you anymore
A year of love
Loving you
And saying “I love you”
Knowing deep down that you are beautiful
Love and loving
And loveable if you still doubt it
I wish you a wonderful year!
Stay blessed my friends and thank you for being part of this wonderful journey.
Don’t close your eyes
It’s hard not to. Not to remember this night. Hard to see the number 13 on the screen and feel nothing. It’s hard to forget. Hard to behave like none of this happened.
We can try. Some are good at it. Some are good at closing their eyes. Some don’t want to remember. Cause it’s too tough. Cause it’s too soon maybe. Cause they don’t see why this would make a difference.
I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to forget. Even if it makes me shiver. Even if it’s far from what I believe and pray for. Even if I don’t understand and if I’d rather see love than blood on the day screens.
I can say it does not matter. I was not one of them. I was out of the mess of this terrible night. I’d lie. I was there, crying, feeling the pain of those who died, of those who survived. I was there, knowing our world would never be the same again, letting go of layers of fears, trying to find solace in kid’s innocent smiles.
When darkness threatens the foundations of our lives, we can’t keep going like nothing is real. We ought to walk, confident, holding to hope like a second skin, towards the light.
A very special day
It happened by surprise. One day, it came and never left.
I had it within me? Maybe.
For what I know it was a simple joy that became my worst nightmare for 4 years. Just at the idea of it, I could feel my body aching and my mind racing. It was the time of the day I’d like to skip, the hour I wanted to erase from the memories.
The first years after that, it was tough. I would find myself hearing voices and feel like crap again.
One day it changed. One day it felt natural. One day I would find solace in it. One day I relalized it was one of my way to say “I love you”.
The day the love of cooking came into my life was a very special day…
Anger, guilt, family and forgiveness
There was a time when I was full of anger and guilt.
Then I learnt about forgiveness. I looked behind and realized that the people who love me did the best they could with what they had at a special time.
They made amends. They acknowledged that they made mistakes, out of fear most of the time
I was afraid I could never go beyond what they thought was good for me. I was afraid to deceive them if I took a special road – afraid not to be able to trust my choice in front of them, disagreeing with it. And if I was to fail, afraid that they would come to me saying “we knew you would not make it”.
Then I forgave them. And started moving away slowly, very slowly from a place where pleasing others was my rule number one, where approval was key to a place where I started listening to my own voice.
I am less influenced by what they may think is right or wrong. I am learning to think by myself, for myself. I am more confident too.
And with forgiveness came love, a love that accepts them as they are. Without wishing them to believe what I believe, without asking them to understand my choices either. If they do it’s a must of course!
