Acceptance & Freedom @WMB

Accepting children the way they are. It sounds normal. It’s what love is all about: accepting others. We are all different and we recognize that our differences are a real chance.

But when it comes to our kids, we tend to have dreams for them; we tend to wish them to be more extrovert than we were, more independent, to be less frightened, less worried than us. We are trying our best to tell them all about confidence and how important it is to share, care, how nice it is to have friends or not to be afraid of others, strangers.

When they fit our expectations, it feels so good. We are the first ones to congratulate ourselves on how good we are at educating them. When they don’t, we start asking ourselves, “what’s wrong?” We start feeling that we are not good enough and put a lot of pressure on us and on them. We want them to fit in, to be like others. It’s so easy.

We do forget easily that kids are independent beings. Just like us…More to read on WMB

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You want to criticize my parenting – so what! @WMB

Last weekend I was away visiting some friends in the South of France. While we were talking about how hard it can be to raise kids, we realized that whatever we do, we’ll always have to face criticism, whether it is from family members, friends with kids or other parents around. People have an idea about everything. And when it comes to parenting or motherhood, they think that they must share what they think about this or that. Without even being asked to do so.

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When it happens, we tend to feel like we are the worst mums ever. We’re not doing things the way we should do them. Others seem to know better. It’s very easy to get depressed, to cry and go straight to the first doctor we know to empty our hearts full of negativity and stress.

What if the others weren’t wrong, just different?

We all have our ideas on how we wish to raise our kids, what values we wish to pass on to them, on how well it feels for us to deliver a specific message. There are no rules, except the ones everybody knows, that say we have to take care of our kids and respect their needs, respect who they are and help them grow. The way we do it belongs to us. And most of the time we do the best we can with what we have… Keep Reading on WMB

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Mess around (or the tale of a crazy weekend)

It was the kind of weekend you wish you can take a plane ticket and fly straight to the other side of the world. ON YOUR OWN.

Do you know this kind of weekend?

It starts with a sick child and ends with a sick child.

In between, the child gets high fever and then wakes up at four in the morning, feeling full of energy again, after asking you twenty times “can I have some water? I want to pee”. He gets out of bed and is ready to party. When the only thing you are dreaming of is get one more hour sleep.

Deprived of sleep, you do feel like a zombie. And your long time best friend “patience” has decided to take some holidays. You are on your own to face the storm – a whining, crying, tearing and shouting little guy. Outside it’s raining, bad luck!

Your mum can’t take it anymore. And your dad seems to enjoy making you feel like the worst mum ever. Stop shouting, YOU are the cause of this kid sad little life. Thanks Dad!

In between, it’s Mother’s Day! You won’t be able to hang around in your pyjamas all day. Unfortunate.

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As you are getting ready, you look at the clock, it’s already noon and nothing’s ready. You wonder how mums do with more than one kid. You start thinking that your dad is maybe right – you’re a failure!

Everybody’s there and everybody love your hummus. It looks like you did get something right, after all. You are getting better at cooking. Your ex is a smuck.

You decided long before this family meeting that this time you will not get involved in highly controversial discussion. You’d rather listen than talk. Till it’s too much for you and you open your mouth. Some people still think that money is more important than Human Beings. You can’t get it. You have to let the words flow out. Silence is a killer. Bad idea. Again. A ride to the kitchen might help – washing is relaxing.

In the meantime, your little one decides that he won’t have a nap. Perfect. He is looking around at all the naughty things he can do, so instead of enjoying your guests, you’ll stay with him and play. Remember, he IS the center of the world. You end up shouting and telling him that YOU exist too (even if everybody thinks that you are a mum before being a woman. Stop being childish and take care of him – you come last.)

Outside, it’s sunny again; time to get some fresh air. You need it, more than anything else. Your last cup of coffee did not help that much but at least your headache is gone. You can’t have it all.

You are this kind of woman who thinks that TV is bullshit. You remember that before having kids, you were the first one saying “no TV at home”. It was before. Now you know that you’ll enjoy 30 minutes rest, as your little one is watching for the 50th time his favorite Disney movie. You are also getting ready for daddy’s call at 6pm. What will he come up with this time?

As you skype your ex for the “son-dad chat” of the week, you wonder why the men of your life enjoy so much messing up with you and treating you like shit. What’s wrong with you? It seems to you that you start treating yourself better than the past years. Are you still missing something?

Monday morning, it’s pouring rain, time to get the boots out again. Your child is still sick, still crying for nothing, still behaving like a dictator. You need two coffees to wake up. Your mum thinks “what’s wrong with that child?”. Your dad thinks “I can’t stand this anymore”.

You feel like crap but don’t forget that chaos is part of life (too)!

Finding the balance @ WMB

Over the past few years, I realized that it was important for me to get to know who I am, to love myself (without condition), to create my space, to find some “me” time so I could deal with motherhood, work and daily life, peacefully and with an open heart. This way, I could give my full attention to my child whenever we have time together, or to my friends and family. By taking care of myself, I would surely take better care of the people around me. And by falling in love with myself, I would allow love into my life, the kind of true and respectful love I deserve.you-can_t-pour-into-all-the-areas-of-your-life-if-your-own-cup-is-empty

I’ve always been the first to tell family and friends, “think about you” or “you are important, you need to look after yourself”, “take some time away, it’s good for you and for your kids, your husband….” That’s it: I give good advice when it comes to others. It’s another story when I am concerned.

I have to acknowledge that I have a tough time finding my balance between my life as a mum, my life at home with my parents, my personal life including meeting friends and creating new relationships, writing and relaxing. I feel like it’s too much for me. Read the article HERE @ WMB

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Bi-Cultural child & Single Motherhood @WMB

I think it’s important when raising a bi-cultural child to find a balance between both the mother’s and the father’s upbringing and cultural backgrounds. The truth is, it’s not always that simple. As a single mom who is raising a Half-French, Half-Egyptian boy, I can say it’s quite tricky most of the time. My son’s father is not very involved in his life. He is around, but Skype chats are not the best way to establish a peaceful and steady relationship while teaching a young child about a far-away culture.

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I decided that I could be the one talking about this other part of who he is. We started with a small photo book that I built from photos that I took on a trip when we were still married, showing the country, the village where his dad grew up, his dad’s family members and some nice spots around. Whenever he wants, he can ask me to have a look at it.

We have other resources at home, such as books and songs. Read full article HERE

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Parenting…

Silent breath

Under the skin

Looking for some peace

In the busy days

Not so cold outside

Too warm inside

Looking for some happiness

Under the white sky

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Saying NO all day long

Endurance and Patience

Parenting can be tough

Setting limits

Boundaries with a smile

Trying to stay calm

And feeling crap when anger strikes

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Needing time to unwind

Time alone

Focusing on the good things

On the love shared

Away from tensions

Time for compassion

Towards ourselves

Towards life

Its constant ups and downs

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About a father @World Mums Blog

When you first separate, you are a big mess but you are full of hope that you’ll just manage everything well, mostly with the father of your children.

You have thought about this many times, when you have heard about friends or acquaintances getting a divorce and fighting like mad people over this or that, without a thought for their poor children, who are completely lost between Mum and Dad, not knowing where to go, what to believe, or how to feel about all of this.

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You are good at reassuring yourself. You won’t go that way and you’ll do everything in your power to protect your kids in this painful situation. You are very good at telling yourself that what happened between you and your ex-husband has nothing to do with the father he is and the relationship he has or will have with his children. You think that it’ll be easy to make the distinction between the man and the dad. Until it’s not.

Read more on World Mums Blog Website

It Takes a Village @World Moms Blog

Since my baby boy was born, I’ve been living with my parents (or it’s the other way around – they are living with me). We all live together in a two-room flat. I share the bedroom with my boy, and my parents sleep on the bed couch in the living room. I know that in some parts of the world, it’s normal. It’s not that usual in my part of the world. Family don’t live together for too long. Parents don’t come back to live with their children when they are getting old. But more and more often, children come back to live with their parents, after leaving home to study. They even come back with their kids or spouse. This is due to unemployment, real estate prices, life getting more and more expensive.

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I was not ready for this. I was not ready to sign for it. But I was not alone. I had a little one to take care of. And I was on my own, separated from the father of my son. I had an entire life to rebuild. I needed help. I could have asked other people for this help. But they’re my parents and at the time I came back home, they were the only ones who could offer me the support I needed. My parents don’t care much about travelling or enjoying time together. They are family people, and they were delighted to be there to help me raise my little man.

So we started a new life together, sharing each moment, each joy and nearly each moment of pain, doubt, worry. Read more HERE

Late encounter with Life @ World Moms Blog

I don’t know how your pregnancy went. I can tell you that mine was far from perfect, far from the dream I once had of what my life as a pregnant woman would be. I had it all planned, but nothing went according to plan. I was not sick but I was overly tired. And what made it all wrong was that something was missing in my marriage: there was a lack of communication and real love.

Many women say that the first meeting with their baby is the first ultrasound. Ultrasound technology has improved so much over the past decades. You can already see life inside you, before even feeling it. The second ultrasound was the worst for me, the one I went to, alone once again. When I was done, I stepped outside under the rain and cried. I was lost, not knowing whether I had made the right choice, keeping the baby. I was dealing with painful emotions on my own.

Pregnancy can be a fabulous experience. And it can be a terrific time too. It’s something we ought to remember, because if we don’t, it can cause much damage. We can quickly feel guilty for not feeling good. We can quickly feel that we are not good enough. Society keeps telling us that we should only rejoice and be in the best mood, that carrying a baby in our womb is amazing, that many don’t have this chance, that the baby inside feels everything.

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Morning sickness, depression, rising hormone levels, pelvic pain. We can all relate to this, at one stage or another. That does not make us bad mothers. It just reminds us that we are human beings, dealing with many thoughts and ideas, dealing with struggles which often show up again after many years of survival.

By the third ultrasound, my life was all upside down…Read more on WMB

I talk about the Terrible Twos @ Muslim Mummy!

Before becoming a mum, I thought that the Terrible Twos was a myth, something put into place to frighten parents. We don’t need this. 

Then I became a mum. And I learnt how to deal with cries and crisis. I looked at my little boy with delight, thinking “how can this lovely little man can be one day named terrible”.

And then I became the mum of a 2 year old child. And I realized the Terrible Twos was not a mere myth but a true reality. 

He started saying no months back. I never thought that one day he would nearly only say NO to every single thing. No for eating, no for dressing up, no for bath or no for stopping to play. My little angel became a living nightmare. Many times I would catch myself thinking “Thanks God I am working outside home”!

To be true it’s not that horrible. It just happened overnight…Read the end @ Muslim Mummy  “What’s up with the Terrible Twos?”

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