TO KEEP READING ME, FIND ME AT MY NEW PLACE
You will never know why.
I will never know why.
Life takes us by surprise sometimes…
FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW WEBSITE
On the wet grass
The feather flies
Between my naked arms
Walking on sandcastles
Made by little hands
Searching for a sense
Turned to the ground
On the deserted beach
Summer is gone
In a blink of an eye
I’d rather die
Bury my feet into the spongy ground
Vanish into the night
I’d rather stay silent
Steal the key of the door
Taking to my heart
I’d rather fly away
Walk barefoot on fire
Swim till I can breathe no more
I’d rather escape
Take up arms
Fight against the Lion
I’d rather scream so loud
That everybody has to hide
I’d rather risk my life
Than going back to you
Patch of sunshine
Reaching across the blue sky
Filled with love
Pink card saying
You are amazing!
Our relationship is already summed up in a big file, full of notes, letters, forecast budgets, solicitor fees, court ruling papers, translations, testimonies. It took 4 years to eventually close our case.
Our relationship is contained into a manuscript of 25 chapters, 165 pages, 68 000 words. I never thought I could achieve this one day. I should thank you for this. You gave me matters to discuss, feelings to explore, emotions to review in details, issues to solve. Your madness left invisible scars on my skin, in my mind. You gave me the chance to heal myself, to reconnect with the “true me”. I should thank you for this.
I need a couple of hours to finalize our 4 years relationship. I need a couple of hours to explain what happened after.
When I left I thought it was over. I was wrong. Another story started, the one that would crushed my heart in pieces but the one that would take me to the beautiful light after the chaos of the thunderstorm.
I always loved jigsaw. You must have known this. You don’t know anything about me. It’s the most difficult one I had to do, putting the pieces of my heart back together. It took me ages. Every time I thought I was on the right path, something went wrong and I had to start all over again. I am still working on it.
At the beginning writing was evidence. I needed to get you out of my head. I needed space to let go. I needed words to get rid of guilt. Healing process – dealing with grief. Ups and many downs. Then writing became a way to free my anger. I had so much resentment in me. There could not be any forgiveness. After a while, anger vanished and I started seeing things a different way. I wanted to understand.
Why “yes”, when all my heart was shouting “no”?
Why I let you play with me in such a terrible way?
What happened in me? I had always been a happy child, a dreamer, a girl in love with life, a smiling lady. I had always been surrounded by loving and caring people.
What made me choose you? What made me think I would save you? What made me think you would save me? Save me from what?
Writing gave me the chance to answer some of these questions. Now I know why I want to finish this story. Sharing my experience is key. Sharing the worst before the best. Sharing to help. Sharing to tell the truth about you, about me, about the magnificent light, about the violence of your silences, about the pain inside my chest, about your status of victim, about my resilience, my faith.
I wanted to be her. Confident. In love. With herself. With the world.
I wanted to be like her. Walking proudly in high heels and feeling like I own the world.
I wanted to be her. So sure of herself. So chatty. So beautiful.
I wanted to be like her. Wearing red lip-gloss and sunglasses. Short skirts and bikinis.
I wanted to be her. So much.
I thought she was happy, she had the perfect life, the perfect family.
She vanished into the night.
And all truth about her came back in a flash of dark light.
She was not loved, she was consumed by passion.
She was not happy, she was in much pain.
She was fake.
She was somebody she was not, so she could face life.
She was smiling at the world. Inside, she was crying.
We never know what people are going through, what life they have, what happens behind closed doors: the best or the worst.
Praying for the best. Always. And remembering that we should never envy others but look at ourselves with love, enjoy whatever is good in our life and change the things that don’t seem right (for us).
It’s all about time
Or about not taking the time
I’d rather say it’s all about love
And sharing it
It’s all about gratitude
Or saying “thank you”
Not just in our hearts
But saying it out loud
And receiving wonderful more things
When doing so
It’s about You
It’s about yours words
Your beautiful soul
Your incredible talent
Shining through the darkest moments
Healing my deepest wounds
It’s about taking the time
To recall what’s behind us
To dream about what’s awaiting us
To plan projects
To send wishes out to the world
I want to THANK YOU
And WISH YOU
A wonderful, joyful, true, inspiring year 2017
May you and your loved ones stay safe, at peace, in love
May each one of you achieved one of your greatest dreams
May you keep looking at life with faith and hope
May you keep writing and being true to who you are
May you reminder that you are important, precious, loved
May you stay connected to the Universe
I LOVE YOU!