What would you do?

Imagine…

You have somebody from your workplace on the phone, crying, feeling low, feeling like her world is collapsing with every breath. She can’t take it anymore. Her health issues are getting worse. Every one of her words is a “call for help”. Between the tears, you hear “if it does not stop, I will soon be dead”, “my daughter will be left without a mum”, “I will not last long”.

What would you do?

Is listening enough? Or should you talk to somebody else about it?

But without her permission, it’s tricky, isn’t it?

Where do you stand where you are a confident? Are you doing something that you should not do by telling somebody else?

Your help would be much appreciated.

Domestic Abuse: from Fear to Confidence @WMB

When you leave an abusive relationship, you are driven by fear. At some point you know that if you stay, you’ll die, one way or another. And if you have kids, that they are at great risk too. You may not be able to say that it’s the right choice, because your thoughts are not clear, your mind is dealing with many contradictions; guilt and shame are your best friends for years.

You’ll find on your way back to life, many voices that will make you doubt your decisions to get out of a domestic abuse situation. It will be friends and professionnals. And it will be tough to listen to those people, who seem to know better than you what you went though and what you ought to do to start again. You will listen at first and you will feel less and less powerful, more and more under stress, pressure. All your energy seems gone to a land where you can’t catch it again.

Obviously, the person committing abbuse will do everything to win your back; your kids will be used for bartering —so easy! Many people think that it’s just about leaving domestic abuse, when in fact it’s so much more. It’s about finding yourself again, in a battle that looks like it will never ever end. And, also, it’s about keeping your kids safe and well.

Kids are the priority
Often people tell you—now that you’re out and ready to start a new life away from your abuser—that you have to take care of yourself. On paper, this looks great for sure, but in reality, if you have kids, you will want to protect them first. How can you think about yourself, when for years you have been nothing, and when you have been told you were good for nothing. First things first. Getting out of domestic abuse will cost you: 1. insomnia, 2. a great deal of money to find the best lawyer, 3. countless thoughts about whether you should give him/her another chance…again.

Read the full post HERE

Wise Time

Credit @mariekleber37

Time to
And no time for

Time to stand be strong
And no time for trying
Time to grow
And no time for feeling
Time to be better
And no time for resting
Time to say “yes”
And no time for listening
Time to go higher
And no time for being
Time to work hard
And not time for dreaming

Much time in our hands
How are we using it?

Truth uncovered

He used to see him as a superhero. He used to see him this way, to get reassured maybe. At least, he had a dad. Not somebody he could call at night when ghosts came, or with whom he could play endless games.

His dad was just a photography, something he could look at when times were tough, when his only wish was to meet him. When my only one was to protect him. I doubted it but never changed my mind.

Now, he knows. It’s better and yet the superhero died, once and for all. His dad is just somebody he has to visit once a month for an hour and a half. He knows now that he was never like the other dads, that his mind played a movie so he could feel safe, so he could feel he was part of the big family plan. And not so alone.

It’s tough seeing him uncovering the truth. And yet it had to be done. His dad has to fall off his pedestal. He has to become man again.

It’s better than keeping the dream alive.

Parts of my story

Crédit Photo @mariekleber37

This morning Kim posted something on Facebook about her story, the story of her sister Kay, the story she kept telling, again and again, because it’s hers and because it’s much needed too.

I know some people would rather like me to stop telling MY story. And I’d like this too, to mark a full stop. And yet even if it’s past, it’s always there, in the air. Because I have a child and he has a father, somebody he doesn’t know that much but somebody I know is toxic for him, as he was for me.

And sometimes I feel down, I feel like it’s never ending, like the choice I made back in march 2009 is still haunting me and will always. Like we’ll never be really safe.

Sometimes I wish he’d die, just so we could be free, my son and I, not always wondering what’s the next blow to come, what kind of challenge we’ll have to face again.

I realized I can’t start a new book thinking I can erase him, draw a line accross his existance. I just have to deal with it.

Maybe it’s the hardest part. But yet one day my son will be old enough and strong enough to deal with this mess. Till then I’d like to spare him as much as I can.

I am feeling lonely. This story impacted many people in my life and I don’t want anymore chaos or insomnia for them. I don’t want their fears added to mine. So I keep quiet and I pray. And in the morning I feel strong again and I know that as long as I am alive I will never let him mess up with our lives again, I will protect us, whatever the price I must pay.

Past, nonsense and freedom

Crédit Photo @mariekleber37

Will I be able to let the past where it belongs?

At the beginning of the year, it came back in a rush. I did not want to but yet it knocked at my door and I let it in. Not fully but enough so it could mess up with me again.

Memories, fears, doubts.

Again.

The need to explain my choices and to prove something. The guilt. The pain. It’s crazy how some people can bring to light the best in you and some can only take you down in a second and make you feel useless and lame!

The past came back and I felt strong for a while and then the same old story kept on playing, I wanted to scream. I put on a mask, the one that says “I am ok, I can deal with it.”

Will I, one day?

Ok, I made a bad choice once. Do I have to pay for ever? Or will I be free at some stage of all this nonsense?

Maybe the key is to close the door and don’t try to be nice again. Why should I be?

The key IS to stop trying so hard. This past doesn’t deserve anything from me. And anyway it’s made of nothing. It’s harsh I know and I feel bad sometimes to think like this. Maybe I should stop feeling bad about this, as well!

In fact I am the only one free to show up and say “fuck you!” Once and forever!

The question she asked and the answer I don’t want to think about…

She asked me the question, I don’t want to or I don’t know how to answer. I believe there’s a time for everything. I am not sure the time is right for this question. I don’t want to see what’s behind the veil. I don’t want to dig in, not this time, not now. Not now, after all I’ve been through. I want a space free of questions that have the power to break the balance I’m slowly finding.

I know I’m not brave there. I don’t want to be or I’ve been brave enough. I want peace.

Anyway, I will answer this question, step by step. At my own pace. Cause it has to be adressed. I just want to allow myself not to be stressed by it, as if there’s a deadline to it.

No deadline, just the knowledge it’s out there somewhere waiting for me, not to take action, but at least to think about it, to work through the hypothesis.

It’s not the end, just a new beginning.

Do you know about questions like this? What yours would be or talk about?