Posted in Love life and Live with Faith, Words Every Day

I’d love to have tea with you…

You remember when we met so early in the morning, it’s still dark outside and the air was quite cold. We were wearing our runners and warm jackets over jumpers made with wool. You’d wait for me at the corner of the main street. We’d have a look at the sea before starting our trip. We’d walk under the moon, then under the sun or the dark clouds, depending on the weather forecast, for two, three, four hours. We’d talk about life and whatever was in our minds these days, doubts, pain, wishes, sweet dreams and trips back home being planned for a couple of days – France for me – a couple of weeks – Arizona for  you.

I miss you, your shining smile, your heart as big and sweet as – as what – as a chocolate pudding with ice cream on top, your hugs making me feel fully alive. I miss our talks and the way we used to support each other.

I miss stopping by your home and seeing that you get a new juicer, fresh fruits and this green paste that sounded like torture to me, you said was so healthy. You’d prepare some tea and we’d sit down outside, telling each other how great it’s to be single, sharing our must reads and trying to figure out what the future holds for us.

I miss you, your tears – you were never afraid of letting them go. I’d listen to you trying to love yourself. I thought – I still think – you’re such a gem, a precious person, a wonderful friend. I know I am blessed to have you in my life even though we only see each other once a year, even though we don’t talk that much in between.

I wish I could leave work today and have tea with you. I’d show you around. We would walk in the garden, sit for a while; we’d look at the world and rejoice to be together.

I miss you today my friend.

Posted in Words Every Day

The wedding ring

059b20c564ae612f8a553e349c2390d3

The flickering sound of a bird nearby told me to stop listening to old thoughts. It was time, to let go, time to erase the shot:  me and you buying the wedding ring.

Saturday afternoon, crowded place, tangled hair, no makeup, friends all around – your friends, spring is on the way. We are in May.

We haven’t talked to each other for 3 days now. I cry. You call me stupid. You threaten to leave, this place, me. We are engaged. The wedding is planned for July. A tear, just one, a need, simple one, a word, not the good one, could ignite a terrible rage within you. I know. I will smile. It’s better for me. You like it. You like when I shut up and smile. You think I want to please you. You love when I play the good wife. Shut up and listen to your man. you know best. I just want peace. I stand firm against the need to shout and tell the world how messy my life is with you, how crazy you are. Your smile is fake. Mine is a self-denial one.

I open my jewelry box, take out the ring. I am ready to let it go. I sold it for 20€. I don’t want it anymore. It’s the last thing that links us together as husband & wife. We are back being two strangers that will never meet again. The image – me and you buying the wedding ring – is fading away. It’s blurry. I can now say something like this, out loud: you are an asshole, a crazy bastard!

Posted in Words Every Day

Walking in silence

img_20161103_140509_resized

This does not happen often. I always have too many things in my head, too many plans to make, too many ideas to organize, too many agenda notes to convey. My head is a chaotic place.

Sometime I find myself silent while walking, listening to the sound of my steps on the ground – on the wet pavements or on the freshly cut grass. My head seems so light for a moment. I enjoy the moment, knowing it won’t last. I stop to breathe for a couple of seconds and I promise myself I’ll do so more often.

It’s not that difficult to take a short break but we often forget, trapped in our crazy lives.