Don’t close your eyes

Copyright Marie Kléber

It’s hard not to. Not to remember this night. Hard to see the number 13 on the screen and feel nothing. It’s hard to forget. Hard to behave like none of this happened.

We can try. Some are good at it. Some are good at closing their eyes. Some don’t want to remember. Cause it’s too tough. Cause it’s too soon maybe. Cause they don’t see why this would make a difference.

I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to forget. Even if it makes me shiver. Even if it’s far from what I believe and pray for. Even if I don’t understand and if I’d rather see love than blood on the day screens.

I can say it does not matter. I was not one of them. I was out of the mess of this terrible night. I’d lie. I was there, crying, feeling the pain of those who died, of those who survived. I was there, knowing our world would never be the same again, letting go of layers of fears, trying to find solace in kid’s innocent smiles.

When darkness threatens the foundations of our lives, we can’t keep going like nothing is real. We ought to walk, confident, holding to hope like a second skin, towards the light.

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Walk by the shore

Copyright Marie Kléber

Take my hand
I’ll show you the world
My world
The empty spaces in my dreams
The heavy clouds in my nights
The happy smiles in my days
The waves crashing against the rocks
You’ll see how beautiful it is
When you stand still and breathe deeply
Knowing there is no other place
You’d like to be
Just there, holding my hand
And saying out loud
To the sky and the sea
To the world and the hearts
That despite all fears
You are free!

A very special day

Copyright Marie Kléber

It happened by surprise. One day, it came and never left.
I had it within me? Maybe.

For what I know it was a simple joy that became my worst nightmare for 4 years. Just at the idea of it, I could feel my body aching and my mind racing. It was the time of the day I’d like to skip, the hour I wanted to erase from the memories.

The first years after that, it was tough. I would find myself hearing voices and feel like crap again.

One day it changed. One day it felt natural. One day I would find solace in it. One day I relalized it was one of my way to say “I love you”.

The day the love of cooking came into my life was a very special day…

 

Anger, guilt, family and forgiveness

There was a time when I was full of anger and guilt.

Then I learnt about forgiveness. I looked behind and realized that the people who love me did the best they could with what they had at a special time.

They made amends. They acknowledged that they made mistakes, out of fear most of the time

I was afraid I could never go beyond what they thought was good for me. I was afraid to deceive them if I took a special road – afraid not to be able to trust my choice in front of them, disagreeing with it. And if I was to fail, afraid that they would come to me saying “we knew you would not make it”.

Then I forgave them. And started moving away slowly, very slowly from a place where pleasing others was my rule number one, where approval was key to a place where I started listening to my own voice.

I am less influenced by what they may think is right or wrong. I am learning to think by myself, for myself.  I am more confident too.

And with forgiveness came love, a love that accepts them as they are. Without wishing them to believe what I believe, without asking them to understand my choices either. If they do it’s a must of course!

Your own truth

Copyright Marie Kléber

I don’t know it all.

When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I would spent hours looking outside , creating stories, building up spaces that talk to me, of a world that would enhance beauty, joy, peace, love. Teachers did not like it. I was too slow. I was too shy. I was too much of this and not enough of that.

When I was a little girl, I would talk out loud. Not to myself. To angels and people around that nobody could see but me. People didn’t like it. They thought others would say I’m crazy or something like this. They wanted me to stop acting weird.

When I was a little girl, I had dreams. I wanted to care for others. I wanted to help, guide, and heal. They looked at me like it wasn’t what would give me what I needed to feed a family. They told me to go for something else; I listened to them and I am now stuck in a job that pays the rent and makes everybody else happy but me.

I don’t know it all.

But I don’t want you to think that you are limited, that some places, some dreams are not for you. I don’t want you to say that you are not good enough, that you are an idiot. You are not. You are great and precious.

I don’t want you to believe that others know the truth. They don’t. There is not one truth. We all have ours. There is not one way. But plenty.

I don’t know it all.

But I’ll do my best to be always here for you, to trust you, to guide you and to be with you whatever road you choose to walk.

Wherever I wander

Copyright Marie Kléber

Wherever I wander
Glowing days, misty nightmares
Metaphoric dreams, fluttering doubts
Chaos taking over, tears flowing
Peaceful sunsets, cheerful sunrises
Wherever I wander
You are standing there
Giving me the space
To talk, to heal, to be silent, to mend my heart
To rejoice, to be thankful, to taste each whisper
That takes me closer to you
Wherever I wander
I am surrounded by the breadth of your love
The goodness of your heart
Wherever I wander
I feel deeply blessed.