Chaos – Bliss & Kiss

Being your mum

We are getting to know each other. Day after day after day. It’s a rollercoaster and then a field trip with butterflies and rainbows.

It was not easy. I said it. Out loud. With guilt and without. We met in chaos and yet we’re still, alive and close, more happy than sad. Our miracle.

I knew, when leaving, that it’s the right choice. But I did not know it would take us to hell before we could see the first lights accross the night. It’s been a ride, one of a kind. With fear of loss and loss of innocence.

You drove me mad so many times, at a time I wasn’t able to cope with it. I got crazy and I thought I was, like he told me once. Tears went on and on. I needed tears to heal my wounds.

They all said it’s all about love but I know it’s not true. Love can’t do it all. It’s also about being able to face our greatest fears and to let go of our deepest desires. It’s about being able to say that we are not making it right, that something needs to be done.

And I did it. I let it all go, my mess, the awful days, your empty face, your pain, mine, the dark hours, me being stuck in the bathroom wishing to die, you lost behind the door and me being unable to reach out to you. I spat it out like it was lava. I broke free of years of humiliation and threats.

Sometimes we remember these moments and we laugh. Maybe it’s for the best. We are so different now. It does not change the past and I’d love if it could!

But only today matters and what we’re going to do with it. In a way it makes me stronger, our relationship, the way it is, I know what I’d fight for if I need to. It feels like I’m not afraid being your mum anymore…

Sense, Comfort and Peace

*Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com*

Always sharing the good. May it be in bad or good times.

Always remembering why we’re getting up each day, why we believe and hope in the midst of chaos.

So many men and women lived through troubled times. Without giving up what they believed in. We are as able as them.

So why do we keep on pointing out the worst, the dark of this world?

Why do we need to talk on and on about how worst worries?

We are the ones building the world, and if we are not able to change every single decision and every single thing that happens, we can at least focus on what makes sense and what bring us comfort and peace.

What do you think?

Writing Prompt #8

Some days carry you from
One state to another
Without you having time
To get what’s going on inside

You’re building chaos
Till the cup of your day
Overflow with a strong mix
Of anger and irritation

If only you could remember
That it only takes
One breath
To change focus
And sooth your stormy brain

This is my piece of poetry as part of Writing Prompt proposed by Mona.

Shadow Side

Something was strange

In the air

I was full of feelings

I could not define

And then it was there

The darkness inside

The horrible things I don’t want to look at

My Shadow Side

A brand new sky

She conquered her freedom
Behind the deep blue veil of the sea

Love was only a mirage
In the exchange of promises
To care and be there – always
Words came and went
Like the wind on a stormy night
They were made of broken glass

Just empty feelings
And nowhere to hide
Emprisonned inside her own mind
And crazy wishes
To end the darkness of her endless night

She set herself free
Found the key to witness the beauty
Of a purple new dawn

***

We are many to know that our life is not the way it should be. Yet it’s not always easy to stop the mess we are in. We need time to find our way back to ourselves. Peace and freedom are not illusions. They exist. We just have to stop, look and decide what’s best for us, at one given time. From this place, we can start on a new road. A better one for sure.

How did you start again? When did you know you couldn’t keep going and you had to make a change in your life as it was?

Where are You?

When nothing makes sense, I turn towards You.

But where are You? Are You hiding? So You don’t have to face my questions. Where are You when the world of so many is falling apart?

I recall. You are not that far. But how can I reach to You with all this mess around?

Are You kidding? Are You really the Master of Life and Death? How do You decide who shall live and who shall die?

I won’t ask You why? I know there is no answer to this question.

Every time, I feel like, it is breaking something inside. I must be made of millions and millions pieces of multiple shapes, cause I am still there, I still breath, my hears beats. I am alive. When there is nothing left , I will still have You? I hope.

I need trust. I need faith. I need to believe in something greater so I won’t dive into this space of emptiness. Will I ever get this? Will I ever understand why young people die? Just like this. In a blink of an eye.

Prayer is my only salvation…

The fear battle

Don’t engage in a battle with me
You think you know
Till you chose to let go

I see you taking out your warrior outfit
Thinking I can be defeated

But I am the winner of all time
I am the test you ought to face

Fight me and you’ll discover
That nothing can resist me

Just allow me to be
And you’ll find the key
To control me