Strange Time – Special Time

This is a strange time. I was not prepared to it. To be true at first I was afraid  at the thought of staying home alone with my son. You may know, cause you are reading me for some time now, that motherhood is not that intuitive to me. It’s a challenging experience, a process, a road I took seven years ago not knowing at all what it was about.

This is a strange time, full of emotions going everywhere, taking all the place. There is joy and fear, love and doubts, wonderful suprises, chaotic moments, cries, laughs, so many ups, so many downs too.

It’s not really about being at home, nor about being separated from others, it’s really about finding our peace, our truth inside, it’s about listening to our inner voice, knowing what make sense, to us, it’s about learning who we are, expressing our needs. It’s an introspection, a time out of time, time to grow –  we grow when we struggle! It’s part of the deal too!

And you, how are you living it? Is it tough? Or quite easy? How would you define it? 

Mister Pop!

Your smile
Like millions of stars brushing the sky
Our special bond
Between silver, teal and gold

Days without
With pain and anger

And days spent looking at the light blue sky
Talking to angels
Reading stories that never end

Rejoicing in saying “thank you”
Even for the unknown

Only one truth
Your birth and mine
Same heartbeat
Inside

Writing Prompt #7

We may walk many roads together
Not knowing where they will take us
Finding rocks on the way
Or roses with thorns
Climbing mountains with no other luggage
But faith
We may find it tough at times
And maybe we will wish to give up

But let me tell you something, love
After darkness, comes light
After the night, a new dawn will emerge
It’s nature cycles of life
Showing us that we shall not fall into despair
But always be brave enough to walk on

Every morning is a new start
Hand in hand we can conquer the world
We can’t be defeated if we believe
We can only find in the strengh of our love
The courage to face every strong wind

And when not knowing where we’re heading too
Just stop and contemplate the beauty
Celebrate our victories
Asking the stars to bless our dreams
And know that together we are free.

This is my piece of poetry as part of Writing Prompt proposed by Mona.

Motherhood sad song

Copyright Marie Kléber

I dreamt of a life which could never be ours
Just so I could keep going

With you by my side
So many mixed feelings

When we are together
My weaknesses taking all the place

We are creating something out of love
It should be beautiful
It’s messy most of the time

I wish I could be the mum I dreamt of
For you
But I am just a pale copy of it
Full of insecurities
Cracks

With my hypersensitivity taking over
I feel out of place

Even my love seems weak
When I can’t make your feel better
When I let all my anger out for nothing
When I lose track of you

Innocent
In need of me

So beautiful
In your own way

How could I take good care of you
When I forget to look after myself so often

I wonder…

Why so many people want kids they can’t have
And me
Having you
Screwing it up most of the time…

But still I am fighting back
Still believing in something greater
Still thinking that maybe you’ll be able to sort out things
What’s good for you and what you can let go

Some people will add…
Still doing my best – I can go without it
Or if this is my best, it’s quite sad

The best for them

Copyright Marie Kléber

We may want for
Our kids
The best

We may want for
Our Kids
To erase
All our wrong choices

We may want for
Our kids
Better jobs
And greater dreams

But we can’t make them be
Who they are not

We can’t make them change
So they can fit
In the perfect picture
We built
To keep us sane

We can’t ask them to be
Us
Before our world collapsed
Because of our regrets

We can only wish
For them
To find their truth

Your own truth

Copyright Marie Kléber

I don’t know it all.

When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I would spent hours looking outside , creating stories, building up spaces that talk to me, of a world that would enhance beauty, joy, peace, love. Teachers did not like it. I was too slow. I was too shy. I was too much of this and not enough of that.

When I was a little girl, I would talk out loud. Not to myself. To angels and people around that nobody could see but me. People didn’t like it. They thought others would say I’m crazy or something like this. They wanted me to stop acting weird.

When I was a little girl, I had dreams. I wanted to care for others. I wanted to help, guide, and heal. They looked at me like it wasn’t what would give me what I needed to feed a family. They told me to go for something else; I listened to them and I am now stuck in a job that pays the rent and makes everybody else happy but me.

I don’t know it all.

But I don’t want you to think that you are limited, that some places, some dreams are not for you. I don’t want you to say that you are not good enough, that you are an idiot. You are not. You are great and precious.

I don’t want you to believe that others know the truth. They don’t. There is not one truth. We all have ours. There is not one way. But plenty.

I don’t know it all.

But I’ll do my best to be always here for you, to trust you, to guide you and to be with you whatever road you choose to walk.

Our new family balance

Copyright Marie Kléber

I like days spent at the park just outside home. Kids playing. I love watching them.

I remember the first time we came here, his first steps on this ground. He would not let go of my hand. He’d rather like me to go down the slide with him, make sandcastles and build games with leaves and chestnuts.

Now as soon as we step inside this space, he is running towards his friends. If nobody is there, he’s confident enough to play on his own or make new friends.

When I stop and take the time to look at him, I breath in the knowledge that we found her balance by walking at our own pace.

The two of us

Copyright Marie Kleber

Holidays are behind us already.

We spent time together. He spent time with his friends. He made new ones and let some others go.

We let time flow without wishing to hold it, like we tend to do the rest of the year, fearing to lose it doing nothing of interest, feeling trapped in hours that go too quickly before we know it.

Holidays are the time we needed. For us. For us a a family.

It’s tough sometime to be just of the two of us. Some days are hard for him I know. He told me so. He would like more people around. He would like to live with noise and mess, laughs, toys scattered all around the place, diners with many stories to be told.

But we ought to do with the cards we have in hands. I don’t wish to live with “if”. We are building relationships on strong basis and we are always happy to do things together. Most of the time, we’ll do our best. For the rest, we’ll go with the flow…