He used to see him as a superhero. He used to see him this way, to get reassured maybe. At least, he had a dad. Not somebody he could call at night when ghosts came, or with whom he could play endless games.
His dad was just a photography, something he could look at when times were tough, when his only wish was to meet him. When my only one was to protect him. I doubted it but never changed my mind.
Now, he knows. It’s better and yet the superhero died, once and for all. His dad is just somebody he has to visit once a month for an hour and a half. He knows now that he was never like the other dads, that his mind played a movie so he could feel safe, so he could feel he was part of the big family plan. And not so alone.
It’s tough seeing him uncovering the truth. And yet it had to be done. His dad has to fall off his pedestal. He has to become man again.
This is a strange time. I was not prepared to it. To be true at first I was afraid at the thought of staying home alone with my son. You may know, cause you are reading me for some time now, that motherhood is not that intuitive to me. It’s a challenging experience, a process, a road I took seven years ago not knowing at all what it was about.
This is a strange time, full of emotions going everywhere, taking all the place. There is joy and fear, love and doubts, wonderful suprises, chaotic moments, cries, laughs, so many ups, so many downs too.
It’s not really about being at home, nor about being separated from others, it’s really about finding our peace, our truth inside, it’s about listening to our inner voice, knowing what make sense, to us, it’s about learning who we are, expressing our needs. It’s an introspection, a time out of time, time to grow – we grow when we struggle! It’s part of the deal too!
And you, how are you living it? Is it tough? Or quite easy? How would you define it?