We know the name of things
But do we know the name of feelings?
Drops of glowing water pouring inside our minds
We try to define them
With words
But do words know the depth of what is happening inside?
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Tag: Feelings
Being ourselves
There was something before him. I wrote everything. I remember half of it. His love – today – does even change the past. Not what happened. But how I relate to it.
It’s less and less painful. I am moving to a place where I know myself better. Where I understand what happened better too.
Fear, it was.
Fear of not being accepted. Not being loved. I mean not being loveable. Or enough. Yes, this is it. These people who drag you down, they see themselves before seeing you. They think they are close to perfection. And you, not. You are millions steps away from it. And their job is to make you better. You should even feel blessed to have crossed their path. This is just bullshit.
They’re fake.
So we were fake together. We didn’t work. We were not happy. Obviously. We got together for the wrong reasons. I was looking for recognition. I wanted to be useful. I wanted to count. And I got nothing but poor attention. I couldn’t count cause I wouldn’t match the perfect image of the perfect wife in a perfect mariage.
That’s it. Part of life experiences. I got lucky to escape and start again. It’s like winning the World Cup – I guess. Being able to stop the mess and start on a new track. Better road. Better people. No contest. Just be. Just love. Just live.
Just the two of us
Kids love full houses. Voices. And people. And playing. Laughing. Games and big tables. Snacks and treats.
Maybe it’s the hardest part. The one that says, on a daily basis, it’s just the two of us.
Just him and me.
And seeing him missing something. The people. The voices. The fun. The funny part of life. Missing his friends as soon as we are back home. Missing his grand-parents as soon as they are back home.
When I feel down, I feel guilty.
But some days are good. Some days are even great fun. Just the two of us.
But I know he is in need of something more. So we go out. And spend days with family. And we meet people. And I try not to feel blue too often, or at least leave the blues for later. When he is in bed. And I remember the chance we have to be where we are.
We can never be sure to do it right.
We just try our best.
Isn’t it what we all do?
A place of freedom
I knew somehow that it was within me
This freedom
This wish to experience
And enjoy life to the fullest
I took a road
Not the wrong one
Just one that took me so far away from myself
Far from joy
Far from life
I got a taste of what it is to become
Someone else
To behave like a robot
Learning what to do and how to do it well
I got to taste living in a place
Where emotions were
to be buried inside
Where some subjects were
Dangerous to talk about
Where a word could be a weapon
I knew somehow that one day I would breath again
I would smile and laugh and experience
I would have fears that I could conquer
I would know love
And what it means to feel free to show my feelings
To talk about my dreams
To express who I am
In so many different ways
The friends we are
We could talk freely
We could laugh
And we could cry
Just let the tears flow
That was fine
We could want to catch the sky
And dream romantic stories
We could wander early morning
In the midst of chaotic dreams
Never knowing where we would land after
The wake up call
We could talk about everything
The good, the bad
Our deepest fears
Our greatest joys
And the nasty hours of our lives
We would wait till night fall
And confess to each other
Our shitty mess, our darkest secrets
Where we are now
We only talk once a year
Maybe more
I don’t have to tell you
How much I miss you
Our walks on the seashore
The way we wanted to change the world
Making a place where we could share our emotions
Without feeling guilty or scared
Cause together we were the world united
In a bubble of truth
RAW is who we are – friends above everything else
Joking freedom
Catching your smile
Behind the door
Happiness all around
The space
Our life together
Finding its pace
Laughing at your jokes
And eventually
Feeling free to let go
Eyes and Heart
There is a difference between
Watching and seeing
Eyes and heart must be open
To grasp the beauty of the world
Where we belong…
There will come a time
When
Whatever the road you chose
You will know
You are
Where you ought to be
Leaves dancing in the trees
Will remind you
Of a long-time dream buried
In the shadows
Of childhood memories
The opalescent stars
Carrying the names of lost ones
Will guide your steps
From a place of fear
To a place of love
You will know
There is nothing to lose
In this life
As nothing belongs to you
You can only be
And when you are
In this state of being
You are carrying the world
In a seashell made
Of gold and grace
The color of my nights
Nights can be tough, full of creatures I don’t recall meeting anywhere near my deepest fantasies. I can see blood and darkness, violence and echoes of lives I went through, scars and pain.
I live the nightmares like it is real life. I feel the emotions. I carry the weight of the sensations emprisonning my body. I recall ways of finding solace. And I swear that I will survive.
Something inside is trying to get hold of the key to understand what’s going on when I close my eyes and let my mind wander in the silent night.
Some nights are made of beauty. A few. Just so I can relax in the enchantment of this break. It won’t last and won’t remain. Good dreams will vanish and bad dreams will take over.
Nights will be tough again. I will empty my mind of all the things I can hardly bear…
What are the colors of your nights?
The Lioness bewitched
I am a warrior
Strong and fierce if needed
Weak at times
When tides are high
And my breath short
But I resist
I am a warrior
And I won’t let you
Kill my joy
Snuff out my balance
Shatter our lives
I can be your worst ennemy
The Lioness bewitched
The Goddes in armur
Whatever you chose to fight for
Be certain that I’ll never betray
The Ones I love
