Friends Apart

Photo by @mariekleber37

We used to be…

Life came in
With its ups and downs
Days apart
Years ahead of us
Unknowing of what will last

We used to be…

Knowing by heart
The good and the bad
Feelings kept
Mess being said
Out loud

We used to be…

Never without time
For best wishes
Never thinking
It would not last

We used to be friends

True, safe and secure harbor
Tears shared
Falling apart in one another’s arms

Maybe something happened
Something I am not aware of
Or maybe it’s just life
Me leaving and you staying

Maybe you belong to the past
A past I could have never bore without you
Your smile brought light into darkness
Your golden heart

I do miss you my friend
I left you somewhere near the river
I don’t know why you’re not there anymore
We drifted away maybe

I’m left with question marks
All over the place
Maybe it’s the way life goes

Letting you fly
Letting you decide what’s best to try
Knowing that if you wish, one day
To come back and play
I’ll be there, by the shore
Ready to start again where we left it

Just if you…

Parts of my story

Crédit Photo @mariekleber37

This morning Kim posted something on Facebook about her story, the story of her sister Kay, the story she kept telling, again and again, because it’s hers and because it’s much needed too.

I know some people would rather like me to stop telling MY story. And I’d like this too, to mark a full stop. And yet even if it’s past, it’s always there, in the air. Because I have a child and he has a father, somebody he doesn’t know that much but somebody I know is toxic for him, as he was for me.

And sometimes I feel down, I feel like it’s never ending, like the choice I made back in march 2009 is still haunting me and will always. Like we’ll never be really safe.

Sometimes I wish he’d die, just so we could be free, my son and I, not always wondering what’s the next blow to come, what kind of challenge we’ll have to face again.

I realized I can’t start a new book thinking I can erase him, draw a line accross his existance. I just have to deal with it.

Maybe it’s the hardest part. But yet one day my son will be old enough and strong enough to deal with this mess. Till then I’d like to spare him as much as I can.

I am feeling lonely. This story impacted many people in my life and I don’t want anymore chaos or insomnia for them. I don’t want their fears added to mine. So I keep quiet and I pray. And in the morning I feel strong again and I know that as long as I am alive I will never let him mess up with our lives again, I will protect us, whatever the price I must pay.

Our own best friend!

MK Photography

People
Part of our lives
Making it easy or hard
Walking with us on the path
Cheering us up when we feel down

People
Lights on the way
When hours are tough
And our hearts know nothing but chaos
Ears open to mend the broken pieces

People
We tend to give them our power
Feel lonely when alone
We may want them to give us more
To be different so they can match our list of expectations

People are part of our lives
They don’t make it
They are part of the deal
But our happiness doesn’t depend on them

We are the true masters of our own life
People can add to it
But if we don’t become our own best friend
People will never make it for the loss

All start and finish within
People are our in-between