Friends Apart

Photo by @mariekleber37

We used to be…

Life came in
With its ups and downs
Days apart
Years ahead of us
Unknowing of what will last

We used to be…

Knowing by heart
The good and the bad
Feelings kept
Mess being said
Out loud

We used to be…

Never without time
For best wishes
Never thinking
It would not last

We used to be friends

True, safe and secure harbor
Tears shared
Falling apart in one another’s arms

Maybe something happened
Something I am not aware of
Or maybe it’s just life
Me leaving and you staying

Maybe you belong to the past
A past I could have never bore without you
Your smile brought light into darkness
Your golden heart

I do miss you my friend
I left you somewhere near the river
I don’t know why you’re not there anymore
We drifted away maybe

I’m left with question marks
All over the place
Maybe it’s the way life goes

Letting you fly
Letting you decide what’s best to try
Knowing that if you wish, one day
To come back and play
I’ll be there, by the shore
Ready to start again where we left it

Just if you…

Again…

The hardest part is
Seeing somebody you love
Signing for the same life
Same lies
Heading for the same shore
Same shame

Someone knowing your story
Knowing the pain
Knowing the mess
Still feeling her story is different
Still thinking her relationship is safe

Someone you know you can’t help
Someone willing to believe
She will make it
When you know it will break her

Thoughts on…

We may think we are free. Till we realize we are enchained. By limited thoughts and the choices made.

We are the ones who can change the deal. Every single moment. But are we ready for it? Ready to face the unknown and maybe the disillusion in the eyes of the ones we love?

Is there love when we are trying to make everything fit in a life that can’t hold it? When we are hiding ourselves behind the veil of doubt?

What are we ready to lose? What are we ready to give in?

Where is the truth between the thin line of two lives we are knitting together so we don’t have to choose, only to hope it would last ?

Is love enough to hold us tight?

Men & Women friendship

He was my friend
Before I submit myself to a will
I couldn’t understand

Cultural ideas
Men and women don’t mix
They ought to go separate ways

To your husband
You must obey
His will become yours
Or you go ashtray

So he was my friend
And one day
I felt scared to even write
Him an email

I remained silent
No words to explain
A choice I wouldn’t
Challenge again

Being his friend
Was a crime
Cultural ideas
Made it bad

Talking in the street with someone
Showing the way
Or even smile
Forget to even be nice

Men and women don’t mix
Or you’ll have to suffer my wrath

Your husband
You don’t betray
Or you’re a slut
To my dismay

He was my friend
Then he was gone
I could only feel guilty
For not standing my grounds

We were only friends
No threat to his life
I let childhood sleep
Behind the car glass

Men and women don’t mix
Cultural beliefs
If you trigger the deal
Don’t cry
You deserve it

Your husband
Has every right

You broke the promise
Men and women don’t mix
Don’t even tell me otherwise

Or I will make you pay
The price

An invaluable lesson

When Jennifer told me she would be in Paris and would love to meet, the first thought that crossed my mind is « I can’t do this ». It’s not that I did not want to see her or anything lik thise, it’s just that the first words that came through my mind were “not good enough”.

I hate these three words.

But they rush like blood into my veins every time I am facing a new situation, a situation that involves new people.

And then, something happened in my mind. I heard a voice saying “what – not good enough – you’re joking!”

I was not.

I mean we were talking about Jennifer Burden there – the founder & CEO of World Moms Network, the woman with ideas, passion, who got involved with the UN Foundation and even got to meet the UN Secretary General, Ban ki-Moon.

I was so scared.

And then I answered “Fabulous, I can’t wait to meet you”, thinking that I still had 3 weeks to get ready.

Crazy!

And then I realized there was nothing to fear. I realized all this “not good enough” bullshit was not about me. It was about all the assholes I met before. I make the choice to stop this voice in my head.

I was good enough. I am good enough. I am even better than “good enough”. I am me. And I am beautiful.

So we met.

And I can say that we had a fabulous time. Meeting Jennifer was like meeting an old friend. We had so much to share about our lives, doubts, dreams. We enjoyed this special moment. It was a special treat to me. I met an open-minded and delicious woman. She was not one to fear or be afraid of. We were just two women happy to connect.

A week later, it was Purnima’s – senior editor at WMN – turn to be in Paris with her family. The bad voice did not come back. I would have told her “shut up” anyway. And again we shared a nice moment all together. It was even hard letting her and her family go.

I am so grateful to have met these wonderful ladies and to have overcome my fears. They both taught me an invaluable lesson:

Be who you are. Be proud of your choices. And the world will embrace you. And you will shine. And the world will shine with you!

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I’d love to have tea with you…

You remember when we met so early in the morning, it’s still dark outside and the air was quite cold. We were wearing our runners and warm jackets over jumpers made with wool. You’d wait for me at the corner of the main street. We’d have a look at the sea before starting our trip. We’d walk under the moon, then under the sun or the dark clouds, depending on the weather forecast, for two, three, four hours. We’d talk about life and whatever was in our minds these days, doubts, pain, wishes, sweet dreams and trips back home being planned for a couple of days – France for me – a couple of weeks – Arizona for  you.

I miss you, your shining smile, your heart as big and sweet as – as what – as a chocolate pudding with ice cream on top, your hugs making me feel fully alive. I miss our talks and the way we used to support each other.

I miss stopping by your home and seeing that you get a new juicer, fresh fruits and this green paste that sounded like torture to me, you said was so healthy. You’d prepare some tea and we’d sit down outside, telling each other how great it’s to be single, sharing our must reads and trying to figure out what the future holds for us.

I miss you, your tears – you were never afraid of letting them go. I’d listen to you trying to love yourself. I thought – I still think – you’re such a gem, a precious person, a wonderful friend. I know I am blessed to have you in my life even though we only see each other once a year, even though we don’t talk that much in between.

I wish I could leave work today and have tea with you. I’d show you around. We would walk in the garden, sit for a while; we’d look at the world and rejoice to be together.

I miss you today my friend.