She conquered her freedom
Behind the deep blue veil of the sea
Love was only a mirage
In the exchange of promises
To care and be there – always
Words came and went
Like the wind on a stormy night
They were made of broken glass
Just empty feelings
And nowhere to hide
Emprisonned inside her own mind
And crazy wishes
To end the darkness of her endless night
She set herself free
Found the key to witness the beauty
Of a purple new dawn
We are many to know that our life is not the way it should be. Yet it’s not always easy to stop the mess we are in. We need time to find our way back to ourselves. Peace and freedom are not illusions. They exist. We just have to stop, look and decide what’s best for us, at one given time. From this place, we can start on a new road. A better one for sure.
How did you start again? When did you know you couldn’t keep going and you had to make a change in your life as it was?
I knew somehow that it was within me
This wish to experience
And enjoy life to the fullest
I took a road
Not the wrong one
Just one that took me so far away from myself
Far from joy
Far from life
I got a taste of what it is to become
To behave like a robot
Learning what to do and how to do it well
I got to taste living in a place
Where emotions were
to be buried inside
Where some subjects were
Dangerous to talk about
Where a word could be a weapon
I knew somehow that one day I would breath again
I would smile and laugh and experience
I would have fears that I could conquer
I would know love
And what it means to feel free to show my feelings
To talk about my dreams
To express who I am
In so many different ways
There was a time when I was full of anger and guilt.
Then I learnt about forgiveness. I looked behind and realized that the people who love me did the best they could with what they had at a special time.
They made amends. They acknowledged that they made mistakes, out of fear most of the time
I was afraid I could never go beyond what they thought was good for me. I was afraid to deceive them if I took a special road – afraid not to be able to trust my choice in front of them, disagreeing with it. And if I was to fail, afraid that they would come to me saying “we knew you would not make it”.
Then I forgave them. And started moving away slowly, very slowly from a place where pleasing others was my rule number one, where approval was key to a place where I started listening to my own voice.
I am less influenced by what they may think is right or wrong. I am learning to think by myself, for myself. I am more confident too.
And with forgiveness came love, a love that accepts them as they are. Without wishing them to believe what I believe, without asking them to understand my choices either. If they do it’s a must of course!