A path of love and acceptance

Copyright Marie Kléber

I am learning that her story is not mine
Still learning
It’s not the easiest part
It is a path of love and acceptance
Of what was
And what is
Of her feelings
And her pain

I felt angry at times
When I was younger
Hearing that she’d rather like to die
It is no lie
I thought cancer would change her
Make her feel more aware of the beauty around
And the past would go
Would let her breath in peace
And live without shadows

I prayed
But it’s not my story
I have no power
It’s not about me
All the love I have can’t change the deal

The past is engraved
In every cell of her body

I am learning to love her as she is
With her memories
Her ghosts
Her idea that life is just a messy road

Trying to protect me
When she says she’d rather like death
Knowing that it’s not against me
It’s just the only space
That could set her free

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My Treasure

I was there and yet…

I don’t know how it happened
How love found its way

It seems so easy between us
So natural

What taste had love before?
I don’t remember
No I do. It was harsh and painful
And full of silences

But I believed. I did not want to let go
I did not want to assume that it’s all that I could get
I knew there was something more to it

That this was a pale copy of what love was in real
I fell and I came back to life
I found my way out of the storm

I dreamt of you and you came
I can only rejoice now, feel blessed every hour of every day

Your love changed me
It changed the mother I am
And the friend, the daughter, the sister in me

It is making me stronger, powerful, confident
Our love is my treasure

Connection

Copyright Marie Kléber

It was there, all day long
The urge to be with you
To press my body against yours
Feel your love and power
Take me away from all I know
To a place of sensual bliss

It’s in your eyes
And in the way you look at me

It’s in your hands
And in the way you touch me

It’s in you desire
And in the way it meets mine

It’s in the connection…

Walk by the shore

Copyright Marie Kléber

Take my hand
I’ll show you the world
My world
The empty spaces in my dreams
The heavy clouds in my nights
The happy smiles in my days
The waves crashing against the rocks
You’ll see how beautiful it is
When you stand still and breathe deeply
Knowing there is no other place
You’d like to be
Just there, holding my hand
And saying out loud
To the sky and the sea
To the world and the hearts
That despite all fears
You are free!

A very special day

Copyright Marie Kléber

It happened by surprise. One day, it came and never left.
I had it within me? Maybe.

For what I know it was a simple joy that became my worst nightmare for 4 years. Just at the idea of it, I could feel my body aching and my mind racing. It was the time of the day I’d like to skip, the hour I wanted to erase from the memories.

The first years after that, it was tough. I would find myself hearing voices and feel like crap again.

One day it changed. One day it felt natural. One day I would find solace in it. One day I relalized it was one of my way to say “I love you”.

The day the love of cooking came into my life was a very special day…

 

Anger, guilt, family and forgiveness

There was a time when I was full of anger and guilt.

Then I learnt about forgiveness. I looked behind and realized that the people who love me did the best they could with what they had at a special time.

They made amends. They acknowledged that they made mistakes, out of fear most of the time

I was afraid I could never go beyond what they thought was good for me. I was afraid to deceive them if I took a special road – afraid not to be able to trust my choice in front of them, disagreeing with it. And if I was to fail, afraid that they would come to me saying “we knew you would not make it”.

Then I forgave them. And started moving away slowly, very slowly from a place where pleasing others was my rule number one, where approval was key to a place where I started listening to my own voice.

I am less influenced by what they may think is right or wrong. I am learning to think by myself, for myself.  I am more confident too.

And with forgiveness came love, a love that accepts them as they are. Without wishing them to believe what I believe, without asking them to understand my choices either. If they do it’s a must of course!

Your own truth

Copyright Marie Kléber

I don’t know it all.

When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I would spent hours looking outside , creating stories, building up spaces that talk to me, of a world that would enhance beauty, joy, peace, love. Teachers did not like it. I was too slow. I was too shy. I was too much of this and not enough of that.

When I was a little girl, I would talk out loud. Not to myself. To angels and people around that nobody could see but me. People didn’t like it. They thought others would say I’m crazy or something like this. They wanted me to stop acting weird.

When I was a little girl, I had dreams. I wanted to care for others. I wanted to help, guide, and heal. They looked at me like it wasn’t what would give me what I needed to feed a family. They told me to go for something else; I listened to them and I am now stuck in a job that pays the rent and makes everybody else happy but me.

I don’t know it all.

But I don’t want you to think that you are limited, that some places, some dreams are not for you. I don’t want you to say that you are not good enough, that you are an idiot. You are not. You are great and precious.

I don’t want you to believe that others know the truth. They don’t. There is not one truth. We all have ours. There is not one way. But plenty.

I don’t know it all.

But I’ll do my best to be always here for you, to trust you, to guide you and to be with you whatever road you choose to walk.

Wherever I wander

Copyright Marie Kléber

Wherever I wander
Glowing days, misty nightmares
Metaphoric dreams, fluttering doubts
Chaos taking over, tears flowing
Peaceful sunsets, cheerful sunrises
Wherever I wander
You are standing there
Giving me the space
To talk, to heal, to be silent, to mend my heart
To rejoice, to be thankful, to taste each whisper
That takes me closer to you
Wherever I wander
I am surrounded by the breadth of your love
The goodness of your heart
Wherever I wander
I feel deeply blessed.