A history of “violence”

20170615_114254_resized

You know people say that we are not only made by our parents, their choices, our choices in life, we are also the fruit of past generation history, pains, hopes, dreams and regrets. Yesterday, in bed, as I was about to let sleep takes me to a faraway land, something hit me. Even though I had a happy childhood, with loving parents and grandparents, who encouraged me, trusted me and did everything in their power to give me the best, violence was not far. Violence was on the dinner table, in my mother’s memories that she would share again and again, so she can heal – violence against her a child (physical and sexual violence) – violence against her mother (physical and emotional). Violence was everywhere.

My imagination created many images in my mind. Violence became part of me, as I tried to do everything to make my mum happy. I took a charge that wasn’t mine. Nobody realized it. I was such a happy and quiet child.

Life kept going and I kept moving with it without understanding why I found myself engaged in many relationships tainted by violence: I was harassed at primary school for 4 years – my first boyfriend was a battered child – I worked 3 years with a toxic and crazy fashion designer – I met my ex-husband and discovered violence is not only physical, it’s in the words, the threats, the silence too.

My grand-mother always stayed and keeps staying silent about the violence she was exposed to for many years. She says “it was not that bad”. I can’t hear this. Violence broke my mum. Violence took up power in our life. Violence made me a victim for years.

Somedays I feel that violence is inside me. I try my best to tame it. These days I need silence and peace, so I can let it go without hurting anyone around. Somedays I can’t, so I shout and bury my head in a soft cushion. It feels like violence is tattooed on my skin, like something I can’t get rid of. When my sweet boy turned 2 and started using his hands and fists when he did not get what he wanted, many memories rushed through me. The fact that young kids can’t express their emotions did not help me dealing with his outburst or anger and violence. It was like the story repeated itself.

That’s the reason why I am working a lot on me, asking for professional help when the charge is too heavy. I want to let violence behind. I don’t want violence to be part of the next chapter of our life. We learn together, celebrating victories, searching for peace, towards more light.

You no more…

I’d rather die

Bury my feet into the spongy ground

Vanish into the night

I’d rather stay silent

Go blind

Steal the key of the door

Taking to my heart

I’d rather fly away

Walk barefoot on fire

Swim till I can breathe no more

I’d rather escape

Take up arms

Fight against the Lion

I’d rather scream so loud

That everybody has to hide

I’d rather risk my life

Than going back to you

84 more victims

Watching the words

Flying by

Singing songs

I hear from a distance

Watching hatred

Consuming lives

And shattering so many dreams

So much blood

On the pavement

That no waves could remove

A smile on a photo

And tears in our eyes

Behind us, water shades of blue

Telling us we are alive

Only Love can save us

When inside we are burning

With rage and anger

Thinking of men, women

Even more dramatic, young children

Eyes dazzled by fireworks in the dark sky

Falling down under the wheels

Of a mad truck

84 more victims

Killed by an insane religious fanatic

Orlando Blues

I feel for the mothers

For their cries in the dark

I feel for the fathers

For the deep pain in their heart

I feel for the brothers, the sisters, the neighbors

For the memory they treasure

Of a young guy coming home

Being free to love

I feel for the killer

For his lack of self-love

I feel for his family

For the loss of innocence

I feel for the wounded

For the ones who survived

I feel for the dead

For their bodies lost in bloodshed

I feel for the world

For the ones feeling empty and scared

I feel for the world

For the ones who don’t care

I feel for the world

For the ones shouting back

Let us live in Peace

Let us free to be who we are.

images

I pray for the Orlando Victims of Human Madness

Education is prevention…

…and prevention is protection.

Now-a-days, we hear a lot about violence. Violence at home, bullying at school, harassment at work or on the street. Violence is everywhere. It does not define our societies or who we are but it plays an important role in our evolution and how we decide to define ourselves.

In the past couple of years, the French government put into place important measures to fight all types of violence, creating adds to show its impact on peoples lives, opening more helplines, dedicated centres to welcome the victims, creating new jobs and training programs. Many well-known artists took it over and started campaigns around the country and in the world.

Still, I think something is missing in order, if not to eradicate violence completely, at least to change the vision of men and women on the subject and prevent violence from spreading even more. Before discussing the impact of violence, people first have to be educated on what violence is, how to spot it and how to protect themselves from it. MORE on WMB

ButtonContributor

Empty Man

He has a body

Like you and me

But inside him

There is nothing

He hides his weaknesses

With harsh words

Wishing to cause you pain

In order to stay safe

He is using insults as weapons

Trying to push you backwards

He is playing with your feelings

Thinking he has still power over you

Threats are running like lava from his mouth

And he keeps saying

He is a good man

2015-01-07 17 44 52_resized

I can’t stand it

It’s physical.

It makes me shiver.

It gives me goosebumps.

I look at the screen

&

I want to scream.

***

She said

She’s afraid of him

She has to leave

But where could she go?

She has to go

But she is afraid to leave him?

This can’t last

But she loves him

***

She said it’s like hell

It’s like being scared to go back home

She said

She can’t look at him anymore

She told me

She has to hide in the bathroom

She cried

She has to mind her words

She has to silenced her mind

***

How to help her?

What can I do?

I tried a couple of words

But she is not ready to let go

I gave her number and the names of people who can help her

But she does not want to share her story with strangers

***

Helpless

I sit down

I pray

What else can I do?

Tell her to leave

Tell her she deserves better

***

She doesn’t seem ready to hear my words

She says it’ll be alright

She says he said sorry

I know it’s not right

I know he is playing with her mind

Again

But she believes him

Again

***

I am standing there

Lost

Shocked

Bewildered

Endangered

It’s physical.

I can’t stand it

I would give the world

So she could see

The horrible truth of her reality

76af2fbfb855d8a8067cd46bd43ab000 

Under Infuence – No More

It’s horrible to think that you are fine, safe and suddenly find out that as long as a certain person is around you, you will never be safe, or fine.

I was under his influence for 4 years. He was directing my life, my thoughts, my habits, my choices, my taste…

I stopped seeing my friends, my family. I was isolated, frustrated, lost. I was surviving. I was walking on eggshells all the time, in case I would do or say something that would make him angry and silent for days.

I left, thinking I would be safe, thinking that he would stop having influence on me, thinking I was setting myself free.

I worked so hard to get stronger, to stop feeling guilty and to rebuild my life piece after piece.

But I forgot to say STOP.

He WON’T change.

I just need to know this by heart. I just need to integrate it fully, not just like this.

I am so sure he WON’T change. And still I have a tiny drop of hope in me…

I SHOULD STOP seeing him.

I SHOULD STOP the mediation process. It does not bring us anywhere.

It’s all about HIM, HIS needs, HIS wishes.

He wants. He needs. He says “you must”, “you have to”.

Listening to him is like being in a rollercoaster. At the end of the talk, you just want to hide and cry, you don’t know any more what’s ok, what’s not, what you want to say, what you want at all. You say YES when you think NO. You just want it to be over.

Leaving a violent relationship is tough. And the best thing to do is closing the doors, not letting the violent person enter your new world, your new life.

It’s OVER. Over for your sanity. Over for self-respect. Over, because if you are nice just one second, the abusive ex will know it and will push where it hurts, will turn your world upside down, will break you.

I did not leave to give him another chance to break me. I should be stronger. I should cut all ties with him and never let him approach me again, NEVER EVER.

af6798226762698e6e030bc6efd7b2e2

Sympathy for the evil

I did not make any mistake in the title…I won’t talk to you about the Rolling Stones! I’ll talk to you about a book I just finished reading and that moved me a lot.

I knew Jodi Picoult. Who does not know Jodi Picoult anyway?

I read “my sister’s keeper” and I cried. I did cry a lot. I did not want to feel that way again, powerless.

But when I checked at Nineteen Minutes on Kim’s blog, I decided to give it a chance.

nineteen-minutes

So here I was, reading a story about a young guy, Peter, who went to school one day and killed 10 people and let many others on the edge.

This is tough. I mean who could even think to have sympathy for this kind of person, capable of such violence. Killing people does not solve any issue. We can’t tolerate it.

But then Jodi Picoult takes us back in time, looking at the life of this young guy, of his friend Josie, who took another road, who tried to belong, who would do anything to fit in. Peter did not fit in. He was different. He was badly treated, bullied at school.

But I imagine what you’ll say to me:

How many of us have been bullied at school, and never turned violent?

How many of us suffered hardships, without turning the gun towards our abusers? 

Violence can’t be accepted.

Thought, as you are moving into the book, into the shattered life of so many people, you do remember that the shooter is the son of somebody, the son of a man and a woman who did their best to raise their son to be a good citizen. You do remember that you don’t always have the full picture to make up your mind. You do remember that it’s easy to say “I will never do this”, but that you don’t always have the chance to do something else.

There is no excuse for what Peter did. Behind his act, there are many questions which need to be asked and answered by society and families.

As I was turning the last pages, I was feeling some kind of sympathy for this guy. But if I had been on the jury to judge his case, I would still have sentenced him to life.

This story told me that sometime behind the bad actions, the violence, there are men and women waiting to tell their stories, waiting to be heard before it’s too late, waiting to be taken care of and helped.

Violence is not the solution.

We (Society, Family, Justice, Education…) are the solution.

There is nothing as « just a slap »

I was talking with a friend the other day, and she told me: “you know, he didn’t want to hurt her. It was just a slap”.

I CAN’T HEAR something like this and stay silent. When it has to do with violence, there is no such thing as “just a”.

No “just a threat”. No “just a punch”. No “just a bad word”.

If we allow this into our life, we allow violence in it too. By allowing violence, we become part of the issue; we become abusers, without even noticing it.

I am astonished to hear a woman say “it’s just a slap”, like “that’s ok, it’s nothing bad after all.”

NO.

How can we even tolerate it?

How is this possible?

How is it even possible that today a man could say “they call this rape, come on, look at her, she was just asking for it”?

I wanted to throw up my lunch. I had him in front of me and he made me sick.

We are living in a crazy society. We are moving backwards, while wonderful women are raising their voices to say “NO MORE”. Check this out – 8 Ways to Kick Domestic Violence Ass

NO MORE of this.

VIOLENCE IS NOT NORMAL.

It’s time for us to say STOP to it. Today. Right now. Right in front of these people who seem to see violence as natural, normal.

It’s not.

It never was.

It never will be.

And it should stop.

Death is just a breath away from us, if we do nothing, if we keep accepting intolerable things.

f0ea9840544eac045e9ed581a58c38c8

ps – This resumes so well my past relationship and my mariage