Love

Love can be in words
But words fly away

Love is in the sky
And the clouds
In the feeling that stay with us
When life got tricky

Love is in the glowing sun
The morning fresh air
In the knowledge that we belong
To bigger than ourselves

Love is in the dance of the leaves
The song of the birds
In the secret of our hearts
Brought from darkness to light

Where I stand my ground

Credit@Pixabay

Find your truth inside

Making choices is kind of hard to me. I tend to come and go and change my mind many times a day when I need to take a decision or make a move. I find it even hard to chose between yoghurts at the supermarket, so…

I always wait – too long – for people’s approval. It may never come. Still it reassures me at times. But it keeps me dependant of what others are thinking, which come with their perception of a specific situation. That may not be mine at all.

There is one subject, thought, where I do stand my ground, despite what everybody else think and would rather do – if they’re me – they’re not, thank God!

This is about my son’s dad. For me it’s no relationship except what was stated in the divorce papers. I don’t care that he is his father – I think this is complete bullshit by the way, I mean a father is a man who cares about his child, and not about himself only.
Anyway. I am not tender with him. I will never be. I will never trust him anymore. Maybe it sounds harsh but I know him. And I know he is no good for his son. Never will be, except maybe if he realize one day (I doubt it!) the mess he’d done and take responsability for it.
I gave enough of my joy, faith, love, enough of my time, money, spirit for this guy.

I remember being angry in the past towards people who could not understand and kept telling me to be more gentle and accept that people may change.
But who can really understand this feeling of opression and being manipulated with each word said or written?
I am the one with the experience, the one with the remains of the past, the one who struggled and rebuilt my life day after day. I am the one with the knowledge of what I can give and what can’t be given – a second chance.

So I let people have their ideas on the subject. Mine is not to be challenged!

Knowing who we are

@ Marie Kleber

Each experience in life gives us a chance to know who we are. We are learning every day. We may fall. It happens to me many times. And I feel like all the steps before mean nothing. I am like this. Falling hard. And then standing up again. Darkness put aside. No more clouds around. Ready to enjoy every minute of every day. There is no time, then, to ponder on things I can’t change.

The world today does not want to hear that you don’t feel right, at one given time. It says to you that you have nothing to complain about, as long as you have a roof, money and health. So if you do so, be ready to face their wrath.

And if you don’t feel right today, what will become of you tomorrow? You ought to be grateful and let go. That’s simple, isn’t it?

But in truth, far from reality. Cause we are humans. We have emotions. We have to deal with people, our past, our fears, our personality, our dreams and our personal history. We have to compose with all these pieces of our lives every day. Feeling blue once doen’t mean we are on the verge of depression. It does not mean we are lost forever.

It just means that we are ready to face whatever feelings are coming our way. Not saying all is right when it’s not. Not burying our problems. But finding solutions. Before moving on.

The world has its own opinion. Of what is right or wrong.

We know there is no right nor wrong. That makes all the difference!

4 years relationship, divorce & a manuscript

Our relationship is already summed up in a big file, full of notes, letters, forecast budgets, solicitor fees, court ruling papers, translations, testimonies. It took 4 years to eventually close our case.

Our relationship is contained into a manuscript of 25 chapters, 165 pages, 68 000 words. I never thought I could achieve this one day. I should thank you for this. You gave me matters to discuss, feelings to explore, emotions to review in details, issues to solve. Your madness left invisible scars on my skin, in my mind. You gave me the chance to heal myself, to reconnect with the “true me”. I should thank you for this.

I need a couple of hours to finalize our 4 years relationship. I need a couple of hours to explain what happened after.

When I left I thought it was over. I was wrong. Another story started, the one that would crushed my heart in pieces but the one that would take me to the beautiful light after the chaos of the thunderstorm.

I always loved jigsaw. You must have known this. You don’t know anything about me. It’s the most difficult one I had to do, putting the pieces of my heart back together. It took me ages. Every time I thought I was on the right path, something went wrong and I had to start all over again. I am still working on it.

At the beginning writing was evidence. I needed to get you out of my head. I needed space to let go. I needed words to get rid of guilt. Healing process – dealing with grief. Ups and many downs. Then writing became a way to free my anger. I had so much resentment in me. There could not be any forgiveness. After a while, anger vanished and I started seeing things a different way. I wanted to understand.

Why you?

Why “yes”, when all my heart was shouting “no”?

Why I let you play with me in such a terrible way?

What happened in me? I had always been a happy child, a dreamer, a girl in love with life, a smiling lady. I had always been surrounded by loving and caring people.

What made me choose you? What made me think I would save you? What made me think you would save me? Save me from what?

Writing gave me the chance to answer some of these questions. Now I know why I want to finish this story. Sharing my experience is key. Sharing the worst before the best. Sharing to help. Sharing to tell the truth about you, about me, about the magnificent light, about the violence of your silences, about the pain inside my chest, about your status of victim, about my resilience, my faith.

A place of Pure Love

Inside your heart

There is a hole

A safe place

A sacred space

Where you can go

To escape the craziness of the world

That is surrounding you

Some days

A place

Of Love

And grace

A place for your dreams

And with just a kiss

You can send out

The Love and the Light you receive

The infinite power of peace

So the world can shine

And sing

So your heart can meet

Other hearts

And rejoice

Only hearts like you

Able to see this hole inside

This hole of pure love

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The Best Blogs on the Rocks – The Faithful Butterflies

To say “I BELIEVE” in today’s world is kind of brave. Whatever you believe in. God. The Light. Jesus. The last Prophet. Buddha. Angels. Reincarnation. Resurrection…

These two words are a true act of faith. These two words come straight from the heart. These two words drive our daily life and our relationship with others.

These women are not afraid of saying “I BELIEVE”.

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First, there is Zarina, blogging @ http://muslim-women-exposed.blogspot.com/. I met her when searching about Islam and looking for true facts about what it is to be a Muslim Women. In France for example, most people are focusing on the negative aspects of religion. They tend to stigmatize Muslim women, without trying to understand them, their choice or their way of life. And then I met Zarina and the way I was thinking about Muslim women and Islam in general changed. She is inspiring me to look closely at the beauty of God’s creation, the preciousness of life and the importance of faith, cause when life is all upside down, turning towards God is the only way for us to find peace in the turmoil.

Let me introduce you now to Milena, blogging @ https://milenasgentlerain.wordpress.com/. Why do I love reading her words? Because they are like honey to my soul. Milena shares poems that she writes, about her feelings, her life, about healing, meditation and rebirth. We are all searching for something, loving, feeling afraid, being full of doubts, looking for peace and dealing with loss. We are a work in progress. She believes in a higher power, in the God and the Goddess, in the power of the Earth, in the Light we all carry within us.

I’ll finish with Itto – https://ittosjournal.wordpress.com/, living with her husband and her four children in the Moroccan Atlas. She created some years ago a school for the kids in the Mountains. She is inspiring in a way that she makes everything look beautiful, joyful, peaceful, and serene. That does not mean that life is a bed of roses. It only means that we are the creator of our lives and that, with the help of God, we can transform ourselves and the world.

I BELIEVE.

Full stop. No need to say in what or who.

I BELIEVE and these 3 women made it possible for me to say these two words, after many years of inner doubts and worries.