Domestic Abuse: from Fear to Confidence @WMB

When you leave an abusive relationship, you are driven by fear. At some point you know that if you stay, you’ll die, one way or another. And if you have kids, that they are at great risk too. You may not be able to say that it’s the right choice, because your thoughts are not clear, your mind is dealing with many contradictions; guilt and shame are your best friends for years.

You’ll find on your way back to life, many voices that will make you doubt your decisions to get out of a domestic abuse situation. It will be friends and professionnals. And it will be tough to listen to those people, who seem to know better than you what you went though and what you ought to do to start again. You will listen at first and you will feel less and less powerful, more and more under stress, pressure. All your energy seems gone to a land where you can’t catch it again.

Obviously, the person committing abbuse will do everything to win your back; your kids will be used for bartering —so easy! Many people think that it’s just about leaving domestic abuse, when in fact it’s so much more. It’s about finding yourself again, in a battle that looks like it will never ever end. And, also, it’s about keeping your kids safe and well.

Kids are the priority
Often people tell you—now that you’re out and ready to start a new life away from your abuser—that you have to take care of yourself. On paper, this looks great for sure, but in reality, if you have kids, you will want to protect them first. How can you think about yourself, when for years you have been nothing, and when you have been told you were good for nothing. First things first. Getting out of domestic abuse will cost you: 1. insomnia, 2. a great deal of money to find the best lawyer, 3. countless thoughts about whether you should give him/her another chance…again.

Read the full post HERE

Parental Burnout @WMB

“I can’t do it anymore!”
I said it. It was not easy but I needed to let emotions go and tell the truth. I didn’t know it but I had hit parental burnout. It did not come out of nowhere but I had kept the situation at a distance for some time. I did not want to show my weaknesses. I did not want people to see this side of me.

For months and months I kept repeating to myself that I could manage, that some other women had more than one kid, some had more issues, illness, parents to deal with and they could make it work at the end of the day. Therefore, I could too.

The breaking point
Then, one day, I found myself locked in the bathroom, crying. Tears were heavy and on the other side of the door was my kid but I could not come out; I could not find the strength to make a step towards him; I could not get past my anger and pain—like I had many times in the past—and give him a hug.

I was not myself anymore. In addition, after every crisis, I hated myself. I was afraid of my violence, of the words, of what my own body and mind were able to do towards the most precious person of my life. I even asked myself at some stage if I really loved my son and if it would not be better to let him go live with other people. Home wasn’t safe. Family life felt like hell.

Read more HERE

An invaluable lesson

When Jennifer told me she would be in Paris and would love to meet, the first thought that crossed my mind is « I can’t do this ». It’s not that I did not want to see her or anything lik thise, it’s just that the first words that came through my mind were “not good enough”.

I hate these three words.

But they rush like blood into my veins every time I am facing a new situation, a situation that involves new people.

And then, something happened in my mind. I heard a voice saying “what – not good enough – you’re joking!”

I was not.

I mean we were talking about Jennifer Burden there – the founder & CEO of World Moms Network, the woman with ideas, passion, who got involved with the UN Foundation and even got to meet the UN Secretary General, Ban ki-Moon.

I was so scared.

And then I answered “Fabulous, I can’t wait to meet you”, thinking that I still had 3 weeks to get ready.

Crazy!

And then I realized there was nothing to fear. I realized all this “not good enough” bullshit was not about me. It was about all the assholes I met before. I make the choice to stop this voice in my head.

I was good enough. I am good enough. I am even better than “good enough”. I am me. And I am beautiful.

So we met.

And I can say that we had a fabulous time. Meeting Jennifer was like meeting an old friend. We had so much to share about our lives, doubts, dreams. We enjoyed this special moment. It was a special treat to me. I met an open-minded and delicious woman. She was not one to fear or be afraid of. We were just two women happy to connect.

A week later, it was Purnima’s – senior editor at WMN – turn to be in Paris with her family. The bad voice did not come back. I would have told her “shut up” anyway. And again we shared a nice moment all together. It was even hard letting her and her family go.

I am so grateful to have met these wonderful ladies and to have overcome my fears. They both taught me an invaluable lesson:

Be who you are. Be proud of your choices. And the world will embrace you. And you will shine. And the world will shine with you!

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I am a Dreamer @WMN

Last week a family member answered one of my questions by « you are such a dreamer! ». This was not a compliment. This was a statement saying something like this “you are so naïve” – “you’re 36, wake up”. I heard this before. I’ve heard it since I took the first step into adulthood.

It made me think. What’s wrong about being a dreamer? What’s right about not being one? Should I stop dreaming now? Why? Why should I stop being who I am? Why should I follow the crowd?

Big things happened in this world because at some stage people thought these things were possible.

Everything starts with an idea. Everything is set into motion because people have a dream and believe in it. They make it happen. They have faith.

Do narrow-minded people have dreams?

They don’t. They accept things as they are. Even if these things don’t please them. And if they have some, they don’t follow them, surely thinking it’s not worth it.

Back to the conversation we were having…

Read my full article on World Moms Network

I need “help” and that’s ok @WMB

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As far back as I can remember I always had a clear idea of what a strong woman is and how she should behave. A strong woman would do whatever she could to have all situations under control, would not need help and would not ask for it either, would manage on her own and would succeed alone.

This was before. Before what?

Before I had no other choice than say “I need help”. I need help to go through the day. I need help to wake up, stand up and live. I need help to overcome my fears, doubts. I need help to love my child. I need help to face past memories. I need help to rebuild my life. I need help to forgive. I need help to love myself.

And my idea of what a strong woman is changed.

We often think that asking for help is a proof of our inability to face life and its challenges.

If you ask mums, friends, people around you, I bet that the answer you’ll hear most of the time will be something like this “I don’t want to ask for help. I’m fine. I’ll deal with it like a big girl”.

Why can’t “being a big girl” and “asking for help” go together? Why do we, women, mums, think that if we ask for help, people will consider us failures?

Read HERE

 

Books, friends, happiness and meditation

Today is a beautiful day!

This is the way I start every new day.

Today is a magical, joyful, bright and lovely day!

Today I’d like to share with you what makes me grateful and introduce you to funky, kind-hearted and creative friends.

Here we go on the fabulous news and ideas you should not miss:

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Kim is hosting her second annual writing contest. Whether you’d like to write or just read, you’d better check the theme and the beautiful gifts the winner will get!

Chris book is about to go on sale. Don’t miss the launch next week. I can assure you that it’ll be a MUST READ.

World Mums Blog became World Mums Network. And started a new program called GLOW (just the sound of it…) to introduce women from all over the world to Heartfulness meditation.

You fancy jewelries or you are looking for a sweet gift for a friend, come and check my friend Karine new passion. All is hand-made and made with love.

Finally, I’ll let you with my last discovery: The Happiness Planner. Start a new life with a positive attitude and don’t fear happiness – You Deserve It!

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Acceptance & Freedom @WMB

Accepting children the way they are. It sounds normal. It’s what love is all about: accepting others. We are all different and we recognize that our differences are a real chance.

But when it comes to our kids, we tend to have dreams for them; we tend to wish them to be more extrovert than we were, more independent, to be less frightened, less worried than us. We are trying our best to tell them all about confidence and how important it is to share, care, how nice it is to have friends or not to be afraid of others, strangers.

When they fit our expectations, it feels so good. We are the first ones to congratulate ourselves on how good we are at educating them. When they don’t, we start asking ourselves, “what’s wrong?” We start feeling that we are not good enough and put a lot of pressure on us and on them. We want them to fit in, to be like others. It’s so easy.

We do forget easily that kids are independent beings. Just like us…More to read on WMB

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