Be Free, Be Raw, Be You
If you could let all your theories at the door
All the things you say are right
All the truths you were told
If you are ready to embrace the unknown
Mystery, emptiness, chaos, incredible joy
If you can let go of the mask that protects you
Appear naked and vulnerable
Without nothing else than your heart
Wide-open and free
Then and only then
You’ll be in touch with the reality
Of the “me” inside of you.
I am learning that her story is not mine
Still learning
It’s not the easiest part
It is a path of love and acceptance
Of what was
And what is
Of her feelings
And her pain
I felt angry at times
When I was younger
Hearing that she’d rather like to die
It is no lie
I thought cancer would change her
Make her feel more aware of the beauty around
And the past would go
Would let her breath in peace
And live without shadows
I prayed
But it’s not my story
I have no power
It’s not about me
All the love I have can’t change the deal
The past is engraved
In every cell of her body
I am learning to love her as she is
With her memories
Her ghosts
Her idea that life is just a messy road
Trying to protect me
When she says she’d rather like death
Knowing that it’s not against me
It’s just the only space
That could set her free
It sucks. And it will always suck.
Rejection does. And it’s fine.
It’s just another blow. One you can handle.
Just like when the wind is messing up with your hair. No damage.
Not much you can do either.
Just say “ok”. And try again.
It will come again and again.
And you’ll go back on the scene again and again.
Knowing that despite rejection, there’s nothing else you’d like to do differently.
Days are made
To be colored
To be enjoyed
Happy faces on socks
Funny music
Loud laughs
Funky dances
Why grown-ups would always have to be so serious
When life itself is a bunch of crazy moments?
My hands are cold
But my heart is warm
Some days
I wonder if I give enough
Enough of what I receive
Buckets of love…
I am not the same as the one I used to be
I wonder if I show it enough
In a way that no one would doubt it
It used to be about others, not me
Now that I count, I matter
I wonder if people feel that they count for me too…
I was there and yet…
I don’t know how it happened
How love found its way
It seems so easy between us
So natural
What taste had love before?
I don’t remember
No I do. It was harsh and painful
And full of silences
But I believed. I did not want to let go
I did not want to assume that it’s all that I could get
I knew there was something more to it
That this was a pale copy of what love was in real
I fell and I came back to life
I found my way out of the storm
I dreamt of you and you came
I can only rejoice now, feel blessed every hour of every day
Your love changed me
It changed the mother I am
And the friend, the daughter, the sister in me
It is making me stronger, powerful, confident
Our love is my treasure
It was there, all day long
The urge to be with you
To press my body against yours
Feel your love and power
Take me away from all I know
To a place of sensual bliss
It’s in your eyes
And in the way you look at me
It’s in your hands
And in the way you touch me
It’s in you desire
And in the way it meets mine
It’s in the connection…
It’s hard not to. Not to remember this night. Hard to see the number 13 on the screen and feel nothing. It’s hard to forget. Hard to behave like none of this happened.
We can try. Some are good at it. Some are good at closing their eyes. Some don’t want to remember. Cause it’s too tough. Cause it’s too soon maybe. Cause they don’t see why this would make a difference.
I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to forget. Even if it makes me shiver. Even if it’s far from what I believe and pray for. Even if I don’t understand and if I’d rather see love than blood on the day screens.
I can say it does not matter. I was not one of them. I was out of the mess of this terrible night. I’d lie. I was there, crying, feeling the pain of those who died, of those who survived. I was there, knowing our world would never be the same again, letting go of layers of fears, trying to find solace in kid’s innocent smiles.
When darkness threatens the foundations of our lives, we can’t keep going like nothing is real. We ought to walk, confident, holding to hope like a second skin, towards the light.
She was waiting for the crash
The hour that would tell her
She has nothing to lose
Till then…
She’s tied up to the feeling
That she has everything to prove
I will walk towards the shore
This place where sea and sky merge together
Like us
When desire embrace every inch of our skin
Giving us the space to let love express itself
In its rawness
